is grief. Sadness. And sadness, being a human emotion, is something I can deal with. It is a welcome relief.
As I think about it, I think I posted something like this a few months ago. I go in cycles. Circles. But the loops are getting larger, and the motion is slowly moving upwards.
I realized yesterday I have stopped shaking at night. This is a huge advance for me.
And I can have two beers at a bar then go home and sleep. This is a new development. Historically, I always picked up a six pack on the way home and drank it. Or two bottles of wine: one Cabernet, and a bottle of Port. And yes, I would drink all of both. I have a very robust constitution, and I don’t get hangovers. I get fuzzy the next day, though, as you may imagine.
And I am realizing alcohol is like a friend I used to need to see often, to comfort me, but who is feeling more distant now.
These are all strongly positive developments that have taken a LOT of work. I can say with reasonable confidence very, very few people would have been willing to go through what I have gone through just to get this far.