Greetings!!
Tonight I would like to talk to you, middle America. I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I used to wonder about you, when I was flying around the country. I thought: who lives THERE? Now, I have realized that what I should have been asking is: how can I help those people? How can I message them?
And pondering it, I have decided guns really aren’t that bad. I asked one of my agents to show me his gun just today. I didn’t touch it, since it looked dangerous, but I can see how you would want one of those things in areas where there are wild bears.
And religion. Honestly, I can tell you some of my best friends are religious. Seriously. I even go to church myself. I pray and everything. I can see how people would really get into that, especially the singing. I’ve always like the sound of someone singing in the distance.
So what I wanted to convey today is that we really aren’t that different, you and I. Tonight I’ve even asked the White House chef to make something called “biscuits and gravy”, which I understand is also a very popular African American food. I want to understand “y’all”, such that we can communicate, talk, and discuss.
So if you think I’ve been neglecting you, fear not. I haven’t had arugula in over six months. That’s how plain my tastes are becoming. I’m really just one of you. I’m even thinking about taking a spin around the White House lawn on a riding lawnmower, and wearing an International Harvester ballcap.
We’ve got two years. Let’s make this a great thing, shall we?