My first principle is the rejection of self pity. It is worth noting, though, that pain and self pity are two different things. You can be miserable, and not feel sorry for yourself. You can also MAKE yourself miserable through self pity, in conditions most people in the world would envy.
There is a phenomena, though, that is not quite either, which I diagnose in myself, which is blocking happiness. True pleasure is spontaneous. It opens you. It is necessarily generous, helpful and kind. It consists in the capacity for wonder and enthusiasm. Goodness and the capacity for this sort of pleasure are synonymous.
But often we stop ourselves, for fear of being giddy, or too open. I say we: certainly I, although often I do NOT stop myself, and am known at times for being an enthusiast.
What is this called, though? It’s not pain and it’s not self pity. It is a failure of happiness. You can label it protective, but that describes what it tries to do, not what it IS.
Is fear the right word? We think of fear as a presence of anxiety and tension, but could it not equally be seen as an ABSENCE of grace and pleasure? Can we not look more productively to what did not happen, as opposed to what did?