The word guru, in Sanskrit, means “heavy”. I have been feeling that I need to get deeper and deeper in this ocean, until I reach a point of rest, where the waves no longer move me here and there, often without me knowing, or even having any way of knowing, since there is no set comparison point. Everything is in flux. This is the experience of modernity, at least as they teach it in the universities.
What I have noticed, though, is that every time I do Kum Nye, something different happens, even with the same exercises. Every time I start, I don’t know what is going to happen. Sometimes it is very pleasant, and sometimes difficult emotions come out, like extreme anger. And it occurs to me it will ALWAYS be like this.
Part of the appeal of the Buddha in iconography (I will note in passing that the Buddha, in contradistinction to most Greek philosophers, is often, perhaps generally, pictured in his whole body, whereas the Greeks content themselves with busts; I will comment on this some other day) is his tranquility, the peacefulness and calm on his face. We think to ourselves that he has passed beyond pain, to a state he can maintain without effort forever. We think that you can finish the task of suffering on this earth.
I have decided this is an illusion. The Buddha, rather than being in constant repose, was in fact in constant flux. He accepted fully the vicissitudes of this life, and balanced himself relative to them a thousand times a second. When he went deeply into meditation, what he saw was another beautiful realm in constant motion, and another realm even beyond that, beyond light, which itself is a form of gross matter.
The universe never stops. Consciousness never stops. Peace consists in accepting this.
The image I like is surfing. A surfer can never master the ocean. That is much too large. What he or she CAN do is master the interaction, by consistently using to the fullest potential all the opportunities, the evanescent formations, granted them, in a skillful and diligent way.
I met the Devil again last night. He tried to frighten me, tried to get me to join him, but I am far beyond that. He does not scare me. What I saw, though, is that he is the spirit of this world. This Earth exists on a very primitive spiritual level, which exists as a proving ground for souls that need to learn basic lessons. Just as a drill instructor has to be hard on his students, the Devil instills the possibility of all sorts of evils and temptations to humans.
I need him. I need him as a goad to do better. He is my ally, in important ways. All that one can do in this world is offer an alternative to the status quo. All one can do is offer an escape from the spirit of this world. You cannot finally conquer evil, since it exists for a purpose.
Life is an adventure. Every moment is an apocalypse and a new dawn. Accept this, internalize it, then chase it like a child chases a kite.