Growth

Breathwork always frightens me.  I can face any fear, though.  On some level, everything frightens me, because fear is about all I felt when I was very young, and I function reasonably well in the world.  No one calmed or comforted me.  I state that as fact, not because I am feeling sorry for myself. [edit: I cannot resist pointing out how maudlin and untrue this is.  OF COURSE I was comforted.  My mother held me, read to me, and did many of the things mothers do.  She simply scared the living shit out of me a few times when I was very young–quite possibly literally–and as I grew, was unable to separate her personality from mine.]

The point I wanted to make is this, though: I said to one of my fellow participants that there really is no choice but to do inner work.  You have on one hand a lifetime of mild misery that never ends, and on the other a much shorter but harder period of concerted effort.  You get misery either way, but one does not have an ending point, and one does.  And what’s more, you become useful.

I have been to the mountaintop. I have felt what is possible for human beings to feel and express, and I want it.  Duhkha is anything short of exuberant happiness, and whatever comes after it, which the Buddhists label Nirvana.

My house is on fire.  So is yours.  There is no choice for the wise, for those who can see.  None.  And you should be grateful for this.