At one time I was very conversant with all the terms, but that was some time ago.
Still, what I have begun to notice in myself, I think, are cycles. I push for a while, then I KNOW a push back is coming, so I back off, then I push again, then I back off. It is precisely finding a line, linear progression, that I have so much difficulty.
Indeed, much of my life has been devoted, I now realize, to figuring out ways to make these circles productive, to get as much when I can as I can, and to lose as little as possible when the tide recedes.
I don’t think I am cyclothymic, although that is a possibility to consider. I think it’s quite possible my mother was. As a child, I would have become used to the cycles, without even realizing it.
Through force of will I can make myself do nearly anything for about three weeks. But it never gets easier, and my will gets tired. We now, know, that will is a muscle of sorts like any other, which can be both trained and fatigued.
In psychologically normal people, you can pass the task off to your habitual self after a period of time. This is where that 21 day thing comes from.. I was thinking this morning that that is really what what we call discipline is: the habit of doing certain things a certain way. In many respects, for many people, I think it can even be comforting, calming. Certainly that seems to be the case for monks and career soldiers.
Then I got to wondering if habit might be termed, in ethological terms, a learned instinctual behavior. Squirrels don’t have to THINK about gathering nuts. They just do. And people who are in the habit of getting up at 5am don’t have to THINK about it. It just happens, and the farther they can get on autopilot, the more will they will have for the random tasks that demand them. They can get more done, by acting often like animals.
And is depression in part a disconnection from the Instinct-Forming-Self? Does it force ALL behavior on the social brain, and on will power, such that everything becomes vastly harder, and more tiring, and more psychologically draining?
It is an interesting thesis, and one I think close to the truth. So what do we know about the biology of habit formation? I don’t know. It’s in part an academic point, but I suspect it may prove an important one.