Conflict

I am going to need to avoid conflict for a while.  Nobody normally battles me here, and I’ve taken to avoiding it elsewhere, but I still bring a very aggressive energy to the whole thing.  I have naturally high levels of testosterone, and some part of me returns to conflict because it knows it.  One thing I brought out from my last week-long was that my parents argued a LOT when I was little, and it bothered me a great deal.  My father, when I was older, also liked to regularly demonstrate his superior intelligence. Not too fucking hard for someone in their 40’s, roughly, to outsmart a 12 year old.

Much of this work has to be seen, I think, as compensation for that.  I am finally WINNING.

And I want to be clear that I am not backing off my ideas.  I believe nearly everything I write (but feel under no constraint to believe everything, or to be fully consistent).  But my motivation is not good.  It is far too close to the obsessiveness I regularly criticize in those I consider my ideological–if not personal–enemies.  On that note too, I would say that I try my best to attack IDEAS. Yes, I constantly talk about leftism as a sort of cult, which I think it is, but it is a cult with a creed and a practice, and those are my targets of attack.  I don’t want to get into the business of abstract hate.  They can have it.

Long story short: I am going to put myself on a blogging fast until April 15th.  That’s day of some historical importance.  Lincoln died that day, the Civil War (arguably) started that day, and that is the day the Titanic sank.  It’s known for some other disaster, too, which is momentarily escaping me (kidding).

This is an outlet for energies I need to learn to channel into other directions.  This is part of my work, my job on this Earth.