I sent this email, which I’ve partially edited, to my Hoffman Group folks, on Easter Sunday. I will add that I am still sick in some ways, both physically and spiritually. I am tired. I don’t feel good. I still have powerful things coming up. I think my typical night without booze would scare the shit out of most people. But I have begun to be able to imagine an end to it, to all this relentless marching uphill into the wind and rain. This is a truly remarkable development.
This past week I spent most of my time in both a
spiritual and literal sickness. I was blessed by having little work to do, so I
have been deeply focused on the resolution of some deep wounds, and have what I
think are some insights to share.
spiritual and literal sickness. I was blessed by having little work to do, so I
have been deeply focused on the resolution of some deep wounds, and have what I
think are some insights to share.
We spent a great part of every day for 6 days absorbed in
inner journeys, didn’t we? In one of those journeys, a pennant came to me, which
will be my banner for the rest of my life. Like all such things, the meaning of
it was unclear to me, but I drew a picture of it, and have finally had the time
and courage to make it. I’ve included a picture.
inner journeys, didn’t we? In one of those journeys, a pennant came to me, which
will be my banner for the rest of my life. Like all such things, the meaning of
it was unclear to me, but I drew a picture of it, and have finally had the time
and courage to make it. I’ve included a picture.
I call it “Perfection through Death”, which sounds
morbid, but it is in fact filled with life affirmation. It scared me until I
figured it out, and it will still be a daily reminder both of my responsibility
and the hope it enables. The symbol in the middle is the Tibetan number 9, at
least as well as I was able to copy it. The vision came to me as a normal 9,
and should be read (as this was active knowledge available to my unconscious)
numerologically (http://www.numerology.com/numerology-numbers/9)
. I used the Tibetan version because I am partial to the Tibetan tradition. It
also looks to me like a man or woman praying.
morbid, but it is in fact filled with life affirmation. It scared me until I
figured it out, and it will still be a daily reminder both of my responsibility
and the hope it enables. The symbol in the middle is the Tibetan number 9, at
least as well as I was able to copy it. The vision came to me as a normal 9,
and should be read (as this was active knowledge available to my unconscious)
numerologically (http://www.numerology.com/numerology-numbers/9)
. I used the Tibetan version because I am partial to the Tibetan tradition. It
also looks to me like a man or woman praying.
There are parts in all of which need to die, in a natural
process. Grief needs to die. Fear needs to die. Clinging needs to die.
Helplessness needs to die. Perfectionism and self criticism and self loathing
need to die.
process. Grief needs to die. Fear needs to die. Clinging needs to die.
Helplessness needs to die. Perfectionism and self criticism and self loathing
need to die.
When you look at nature it is in a continual process of
death and rebirth. All that is born dies, but some part of it continues.
Looked at as randomness, there is no purpose to it. But if you look at it as
pruning, as the death of one part that some other part may blossom, it acquires
a whole new meaning. New growth always follows a forest fire.
death and rebirth. All that is born dies, but some part of it continues.
Looked at as randomness, there is no purpose to it. But if you look at it as
pruning, as the death of one part that some other part may blossom, it acquires
a whole new meaning. New growth always follows a forest fire.
Maybe I can coin a term that might resonate even with
those of you who think you are atheists: Psychological Darwinism. The new
cannot come into being until the old is separated, and allowed to die, and
burned.
those of you who think you are atheists: Psychological Darwinism. The new
cannot come into being until the old is separated, and allowed to die, and
burned.
This is sent to you in a spirit of destruction and hope
on a holiday you may not celebrate, based on a tradition few of you likely
embrace fully, but whose mythic–read “deep psychological insight”–importance
is vast. Christianity, of course, is not the only tradition with resurrection
as an important motif.
on a holiday you may not celebrate, based on a tradition few of you likely
embrace fully, but whose mythic–read “deep psychological insight”–importance
is vast. Christianity, of course, is not the only tradition with resurrection
as an important motif.
Here is what I would say to you: the death of the one is
the birth of the next. Resurrection and death cannot be separated. Growth and
leaving behind cannot be separated. It is impossible to keep a foot in the past
and move into the future. You must die, and in dying be reborn.
the birth of the next. Resurrection and death cannot be separated. Growth and
leaving behind cannot be separated. It is impossible to keep a foot in the past
and move into the future. You must die, and in dying be reborn.
I send this in a spirit of love–and I must say sense of
peace, as if something just fell away, something hard, and hurtful and
unneeded–in the hope it may help some of you in what no doubt continue to be
struggles. I believe deeply that no matter how heavy your cross, you can bear
it and in the end find redemption and peace. We all of us just need to carry
on, and do the best we can. This is all that is asked of us.
peace, as if something just fell away, something hard, and hurtful and
unneeded–in the hope it may help some of you in what no doubt continue to be
struggles. I believe deeply that no matter how heavy your cross, you can bear
it and in the end find redemption and peace. We all of us just need to carry
on, and do the best we can. This is all that is asked of us.