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Nurturing versus fighting

This is the fundamental challenge I am negotiating at the moment.  My history is to view the world as a hostile place, and all action to start from the presumption of resistance.  This of course creates problems that did not exist, and more than anything, it is tiring.  The amygdala can only take so much fight or flight activation.  Practically, every time you activate it, you will need a recovery period.

The alternative is what I once called the Turtle Approach, which is to nurture, to feed, to shine light on, all the things I want, and do it daily, and for a long period of time. Never take anything to the limit, but always show up.  Be consistent.  And most importantly, enjoy the process of nurturing.  Enjoy the current, very small result, and look forward to the long term result, but not too much.  If you take enough care in the now, the future will take care of itself.

And one of the things I am thinking is that for people who like to fight, there is no end.  You can win every contest across a lifetime, and not run out of opponents.  Musashi was never defeated (actually, I think he was once, by a bo practitioner), but I wonder how well he slept at night.

The way I think it works is fights come to you. And if you build every day, when they come, you will be ready.  And if they don’t come, you have not wasted your time in useless tension.

We all die.  It is not a great failure if your sin is taking a walk in the park rather than fortifying your windows.  To fear greatly, is to live poorly.

This has been one of my issues: I don’t want to die stupidly.  I have not wanted to fail to investigate that weird noise. I have wanted my perceptions to be perfect.  Let nothing happen to me or my loved ones simply because I was not paranoid enough, not prepared enough.

But you can live a life looking constantly over your shoulder, worried about everything.  This is not living.  This is not confronting the inevitability of death directly.  This is not confronting the EVITABILTY of living directly.

I read a warrior is prepared for everything.  This may well be true.  If so, I do not want to be a warrior.  I want to be a simple man, perhaps a foolish man, but a free one: free from fear, and free to live openly with confidence, courage, and optimism. Let them take me when they will: I surrender to fate, and what will be.