I was feeling very lonely tonight. I work from my home, and I spend huge amounts of time alone. Sometimes too much even for me. And I realized that this is actually progress. To feel lonely is to accept that you have a need to be with people, which is something I have had a hard time doing consciously. As I read about developmental trauma, a common feature is an inability either to recognize or consciously support ones emotional needs. It is much easier to suppress them, and pretend they either don’t exist, or treat them as unwanted nuisances.
Tonight I was thinking I am not OK with being alone all the time, and this in turn implies, paradoxically, the possibility of not being alone. It is hard to be with people when you have suppressed the need for their company deep in your psyche.
It is amazing how often you can open up new and really interesting vistas by embracing “negative” emotions, letting them in, letting them expand, giving them free reign, and LISTENING to what they have to say.
They have been outside the gate for a long time. They have been waiting because they are couriers, and they have messages they have to deliver, and they will not leave until their work is done. This whole process is utterly logical.