Personal growth

The problem with the honest pursuit of personal growth is that you come face to face with who you really are.  And what this is, in most cases, is not a profound evil–although unresolved violence is likely to be present in almost all cases–but really an insipid mediocrity of mind and spirit.  We are so little, and the possibility of being more only opens up once we recognize how small we are, and that is difficult for the vanity of at least some of us.

I tend to be Taoist in my skepticism of heroes and saints.  I think most of them were more compulsive than most, more passionately conformist, more heroic when it was easy, and less heroic when all that surrounded them was silence.  I think most saints were and are fanatics.

In the Taoist conception the most developed blend easily.  They move like water in water.  They are invisible.

Me, I think falling and flying relate to the primal fear of falling.  I think running without escape, and pursuing without mercy are aspects of our digestive system, risen to our consciousness.  I think sex is how we procreate and continue the species.

I also think we are spiritual beings in a material world.  I think that we exist at a primitive level of existence that is scarcely above that of rocks, but that growth is possible.  We can do and be more, but I think none of us will do well to look to the dominant mores of our current culture, including those of most established religions.

I remain lost, but it is my hope that in my personal wasteland and solitude some awakening will dawn.  In my waking hours this is an interesting game, and in my dreaming hours I remain vigilant for insight.