I found this an interesting read, and I think most men would benefit from reading it.
The comment I would make is that what she fails to understand is that men really are much stupider than women when it comes to social cues, empathy, overall awareness. It really is like there are two qualities of perception, two completely different worlds.
Imagine an intricate canvas by Bosch. Many have created intricate canvases, but fuck his is the first name that came to me of something really busy. Imagine the colors in the canvas expanded, and the images expanded. That is a woman’s perception.
Imagine the whole thing mostly covered in grey, with spots of bright red or green here and there, completely denuded of context. That is an average man’s perception.
What they argue about is what the painting shows. She tries relentlessly, using every word she knows, to describe the intricate imagery, but he just doesn’t see it. So she gives up and accepts he is an imbecile. Or she moves on to another man, likely one with a similar handicap. Or she stays single, or she dates women. Those are her options.
In reading this piece, I obviously can’t say she is wrong. She is obviously right. Her perceptions are accurate. What I would add though, is that she is perhaps failing to account for how fucking stupid men are. She is thinking they intend wrong, that they are hostile. Some of them plainly do, but most of them are just idiots. That does not excuse it, but they really don’t intend to be creating hostile environments.
She cites as an example grown men oogling 13 year old girls boobs. In my mind there are actually three, perhaps four, possibilities. 1) He doesn’t even know he’s doing it. He is that stupid and unaware. 2) He is doing it on purpose, but he is too stupid to realize she sees it. 3) He is a creep, knows what he’s doing, and knows she knows. 4) Any of the above, but he thinks she’s older than she actually is.
I doubt there are any men on this planet who have been in long term relationships where their woman felt safe enough to tell the truth, who have not been told: YOU’RE A FUCKING IMBECILE. WASN’T THIS OBVIOUS? You know, how I felt, where this was going, what you should have said, that a much bigger bouquet of flowers was needed, that you needed to wash the dishes, that I needed help with the kids, that I needed emotional support, etc.
We do have two classes of citizens where social awareness is concerned. This is clearly true. And men are clearly the dumber ones where this sort of thing is concerned. We are stupid. There can be no doubt. And sometimes we are aggressive, violent, ugly and awful. This is clearly true too.
This is the macrotruth. To this, though, I will add that women by themselves are very often petty, backstabbing, vindictive, and score keepers. I have two daughters, and both of them very much prefer male friends for this reason. They know where they stand with boys. If they don’t like them, they say, in effect, “I don’t like you”. There are no games. There is little or no guessing. Men, being simple, are what they appear to be, most of the time.
Doris Lessing dealt with this issue in what to me was an interesting way in her book “The Marriages between Zones 3, 4, and 5”, or something close to that. She portrayed women as superior, but lacking something that men alone, being men, provided.
Can we dream of a world where imagination is important, and various interesting possibilities for the improvement and evolution of human kind are often and openly discussed? This is my own dream. I dream a lot, and I suffer a lot, but 1) it’s my job; and 2) my God, how could I live any other way? My life is beautiful.