I am slowly releasing my anger, and it hit me this morning that what I will miss is the feeling of power that it gave me. It is a constant energy surge, even if it is one which is also exhausting. It feels like it creates a barrier between me and those who would hurt me.
But I also feel that it is not a foundation for a life. It is living in the clouds, in an undifferentiated and constantly moving space where you can never feel at home. There is no texture, no interesting color, merely a relentless monotony.
And I felt that a stable personality must be built brick by brick, patiently, as a workman. You can build a home, a place to feel safe, a place to live and feel comfort, but not through what destroys it.
I think the image of Jesus as a carpenter is apposite here, since what he preached was building a structure, a skeleton, upon which could be placed a roof, and beneath and within which one could live.