And what are we saying no to? Positive feelings. You might feel, when you are drunk, or high, or fucking another stranger, that life is good, that everything is wonderful. But you also know that you will come down. And you know the darkness that awaits you, the helplessness that awaits you. You know the weight of the world.
And so why would any sane person not want to go back up again as soon as possible? What sane person would want to live in the dark cage of their life, when there is another possibility? Is it not the case that there is no need at all to explain this behavior, that it is utterly rational and predictable, for people with certain sorts of wounds?
And I feel the critical pivot point is trust. We need other people, but some of us find it difficult or impossible to trust life and to trust other people. We have been betrayed too often, too early, and felt too much pain. So we create half of what we really want, but create it in a way we control.
What we suppress is a natural sense of open wonder, of spontaneous affection, of joy. All of these things, we have learned, can be sucked up, used, and spit out by others. So our addiction is really in important respects a barrier against authentic happiness.
I am slowly awaking from a long dream–and dream, not nightmare, is the word, since my numbness kept much of it from being too unpleasant–and seeing possibilities I never guessed were there.
For my part, given the strangeness of our world, I feel little surprise that so many people escape through work or sex, or alcohol. I feel no wonder that opiates are surging through our alienated world. Why would they not, when we have lost the ability to speak, to share needed truths, to feel who we are, to connect with ourselves and everything around us?