An image floated into my head–it felt more like I merged with it, but that is close enough–where God manifested as a man, roughly in the image of a Greek god, but which was as large as half the visible universe. I understood that the was a projection of something ineffable, and utterly incomprehensible to me. It was a courtesy.
And I asked God “what should I do?”. And God replied, “what should you do? you should make your bed. You should brush your teeth before bed. You should worry about everything. You certainly shouldn’t sleep.” And He was smiling as he was saying this.
What I felt was that God was like a father who figures his kids will figure it out sooner or later. If they are idiots, it will take them longer. Not his job to make them smarter. He was gently mocking me, and my questions. He was implying that I know most of the answers, that life is a question of trying things and seeing what happens.
And things go on far, far beyond this Earth. We live many lives. We have an infinite expanse of time to figure things out, so why should God fret if some of us are imbeciles? The whole universe WANTS us to evolve, to get smarter. It allows us to be stupid.
I think it was Dostoevsky who said “if God is dead, then everything is allowed.” Well, even if God EXISTS, then everything is allowed. Try it. See what happens. You can eat turd if you want. You can stub your toe on purpose. You can poke a fork in your eye.
And you can be cruel to other people. See how it works. Try it a lifetime or two. What happens? See? Why do you have to be so fucking stupid, son?
More than anything, it felt to me like a father who raises his children, then sets them free, to rise or fall on their own. It felt to me, to be honest, like a country father, who, when his sons come and tell him they’ll be out rabbit hunting for a day or two, says “great”, and doesn’t ask any questions. They’ll be fine, he figures. They aren’t dumbasses.
I remember the Soke, head honcho, of the martial art I used to study, once using the analogy of a tiger mother, who pushes all her cubs over a dirt embankment. Those who make it back up have proven themselves. They are not dead weight. She won’t have to carry them. They now belong. She loves them, then. In this larger analogy, everyone makes it back, sooner or later. None of us can comprehend an infinity, but God IS infinity. God is beyond any possible concept.
And I will emphasize the overall sense, the spirit, was benign. But what good does it do me to be told what to do? What benefit is there to me in a world where it is perfectly acceptable being a fucking idiot, where there is no negative consequence?
I have to admit, it occurred to me that perhaps the problem with our current world is that many people make it to adulthood and reproduce, who would have died in many earlier ages of the world because they were dumbasses, if I might quote Red Forman.
The whole thing felt very liberating. All religions are fine. Islam: fine. Christianity: fine. Flying Spaghetti Monster: also fine. What is happening with religious worship is that God will show in any form you ask he/she/it to. God fills the Earth and the stars, but is also everywhere, in every moment. God is quite equal to the task of having a “personal” relationship with every living creature, while also being vastly, and indescribably larger than anything we see or can imagine.
Where God falters in his kindness, what God does not like to see, is fear. When we obsess over small details of behavior, this manifests in what I saw in an earlier vision as a “mark”. It is a stain, a blot. It is not the act. It is not a Jew eating pork, or working on the Sabbath. It is the fear which drives him away from a God who is not, in turn, withdrawing in any way. It is the fear which pushes people into stupidity, into what amounts to the only sin: turning away from growth, joy, play, and engagement.
In this world, if you do 90% of the work, you get 90% of the benefit. It is not zero sum, or either/or. You can grow in many ways, at many rates of speed. You can backslide, then turn around. It is not all sudden ascents and horrific falls. It’s a moderate landscape, and only made otherwise by dumbasses.
I continue to believe that the Tao Te Ching is the most profound thing I have read. The “road”, the “way”, is how we continue to move forward. We all have one.
I have more to say, but am having trouble organizing it. I will do more in separate posts.
The net, though, is that we need not fear this time, this place. Nothing which cannot be undone in the abundance of time is even possible. The worst torture can be processed in a couple lifetimes, or perhaps the equivalent in an afterlife. Nothing can happen which will be permanent.
Yes, your mind can be erased. You can be broken in countless ways. This has long been my fear. Congenitally I tend to go to the worst case scenario. I had a period perhaps 4 years ago where I was obsessed with all the ways I could be killed, and all the bad things that could happen to me.
All this is possible. No honest person can tell you it isn’t. But in the fullness of time, all is worked out. God is betting on us. The task is to be smart, to be switched on, to do the work, to pass the test, to get through the challenge. This is hugely hopeful. Very, very, very hopeful.
And, of course, things can still work out in this world, in this life. I hope so.