Longing is a focus on what lies beyond reach. It can go one of two ways. The first, mature way, is to develop a plan to get what is so far away, by creating stages of possibility–concrete steps–each of which offers the possibility of gratitude and fulfillment. Longing is thus brought under control and turned into gratitude by concrete and purposive, incremental action.
But there is a second way, in which longing becomes an end in itself, when you learn to love the feeling of lack. I think the valorization of victimhood arises from this feeling. It is a longing you cannot possibly meet. It is a feeling of incompleteness, no matter where you go, or what you do. It is the Portuguese “Saudade”, which might for my purposes here be translated as “a gap”. It is, perhaps, a happiness in sadness. I can’t explain it, but I have felt it.
So much of true spirituality consists in the attainment of realistic objectives, actionable plans, concrete goals, purposive activity.
Particularly for those of us with primal wounds, it is easy to get caught up in dreams and fantasies. This is a detour from life. You can never get enough, if you have a hole in the middle, but perhaps the size of the hole shrinks with time, if you focus on getting and valuing what you can, in all the senses of getting.