But I felt the texture of the feeling yesterday. I can’t begin to describe it, other than as highly unpleasant.
I wonder if one aspect of relating to time as compressed has to do with the habit of dealing with emotins in bundles. If you slow down too much, they come undone, and all come tumbling out, one by one, most of them harmless, but a few quite toxic, or seemingly so. My personal feeling is there are no truly toxic emotions. All of them exist for reasons. The feeling of trauma is the residue of the decision forced on a nervous system to keep you alive and moving.
This feeling I felt, though: hidden, buried, disappeared–it is the root of evil. Evil, too, is logical. It is emotionally logical, and flows naturally from feelings which cannot be borne, cannot be carried, cannot be expressed in any healthy way, and which are thus expressed in unhealthy ways.
I am beginning to see through people. Through their defenses, through their annoying habits, to what lies at the core. You cannot be angry at people when you understand them, and how logical their behavior is.
This is, I hope, the root of something good. Finally.