Now, I don’t think this is an omen of anything in my immediate future. I think it was my unconscious releasing something from my distant past, when I was driven out of my mind by fear and a sense of being unwanted. I died, in life. This happens to many.
But my body continues to function, and I am left wondering now what, if I am to “live”, I am supposed to do. What is a worthy life? What is the most any God could ask of us? What is the most we can and should ask of ourselves? Of each other?
I will likely answer this many times in many ways in coming years, but this morning the phrase that comes to mind is Grace and Gratitude.
If dissociation is death, then life is association, connection. The essence of grace, it seems to me, is appropriateness. It is physical balance. It is a judgement which acts harmoniously with any circumstances or people which present themselves. It is a ready and flexible connection with mutable circumstances such that one always blends well, interacts in a way which increases the whole, which brings pleasure and satisfaction.
Gratitude is an attitude of open welcoming, of being open to experience, and glad of it. It is taking pleasure in the sun on your face, or the feeling of rain. It is feeling the walls around you and the roof when it is cold outside. It is placing a value on your friends, and feeling joy in their company. It is welcoming the work in your life.
My personal defaults are relative rigidity and irritability. I am describing ideals. When you see them–and I will be looking too–figure out how to emulate them.
I am tempted to say this world is frightening and confusing, but this is not true, is it, for those who find it fascinating, beautiful and engaging?
Grace and gratitude are keys which will unlock a new world within this one. I feel this.