The second, more subtle, is that they become OVERLY involved in their childrens lives, such that the child feels little space to develop as a person. There is a breed of narcissism latent in the mothers overidentification with the child, with her conflating her emotional needs with his emotional needs.
And it occurs to me that white “liberals”, seen socially, cross this rough line as well. We read in recent days that, according to actual study, white “liberals” dumb down their language when talking with blacks (whereas conservatives do not, presumably because we are not trying to be “hip”, and see individual blacks as individual blacks). Obama was notorious for this. He would always drop his “g’s” when talkin’ and relatin’ wit black folk. Nome sayin’?
I think even putting black people on a pedestal, as white “liberals” like to do, is a disservice. It is the opposite of integration, and hard to process emotionally. Attention, even excess attention, always feels good up to a point, but there comes a time when it becomes creepy and uncomfortable, and at that point–at least in my own iteration of this experience–it becomes easier to disengage and/or shut down emotionally.