So much of my worldview runs through conflict, through a felt need to fight in many ways at many times on many fronts.
Think about this, though: the highest and best life is one lived in harmony and deep soul level connection with a variety of people, while doing useful, challenging and engaging work, all while growing as a person steadily across a lifetime. This is the end aim.
War, obviously, is a failure in this end. War is sometimes necessary, but even in war we need to look to the end state. It has become a commonplace to speak of “the warrior spirit”, but in truth when we are only speaking of war, aggressive sociopaths with high pain tolerances arguably make the best killers.
Warriorship, if we are to value it, must come with the arts of peace, and specifically diplomacy. You need to know how to hold a line, but you should not be afraid to bend. I think Donald Trump has struck an outstanding balance in this respect with Kim Jung Un. He showed him he was not afraid of him by mocking him, but at the same time, when the timing was right, he was genuinely cordial, warm, and friendly. At some point, I think he is going to make it easy for Kim Jung Un to enter into a permanent peace, with all the prosperity which will go with it, for him and for his people.
And it seems to me one of the most obvious principles should be that there is never any call to make unnecessary enemies. This is the first step to preventing war. All wars which are prevented are won, provided nothing truly important is given in exchange, and preventing the beginning of a cycle of hatred should be an important skill all warriors learn. The connection of etiquette with Bushido is I think a good example of this. Of course, the Japanese are also notoriously short tempered when etiquette is breached. Americans, in contrast, rarely even realize they, or someone else, has behaved rudely. They just say “I’m sorry brother. Let me buy you a beer.”
Be all that as it may, I am going to dig up my Dale Carnegie and I’ve bought a book on etiquette. I eat like a hungry caveman, all too often. You should have seen my family at the dinner table. My mother mildly excepted, we all did.
I had more to say, but it went wherever ideas go when they get tired of hanging out in the waiting room. They may be out back smoking a cigarette and return momentarily.
But for me, this idea is liberating. People are a knowable quantity. My reaction to a variety of behaviors is under my control. I can learn to expect better reactions if I learn to be human better.