First off: I was drunk last night when I made that other post. I’ve decided to leave it.
Main point: it seems to me that there are three stages of traumatic expression, when it comes to the amygdala.
The outer, least healed layer is anger. It is pushing out against the world, and nearly entirely unreflective.
The middle is fear. Terror. Unnameable, formless fears.
The inner is shame. Shame has a form and a texture. It is highly unpleasant, but it is the path to healing.
I seem to be at the shame level. I keep having dreams of people telling me all the ways I’m fucking up, and who make me feel inferior. Both of my parents did that, in their own ways, but none of this has been truly accessible to my emotional, primary awareness until now.