To wake up, to grow beyond this haze, you have to reverse course by calling these crimes crimes. You have to recognize the monster you were, that you became.
And your unconscious knows this. It goes along, because from a physiological perspective this change, this alteration into cult member, delivers a steady state nervous system. It is in constant mild around, and periodic high arousal, but gone are the petty anxieties, the worries, the doubts. You can forget you don’t have the money to pay the rent, that you are a middle aged fuckup, that you are an unlikable asshole (I can relate to some of these, by the way, and mention them because I too would like an easy way to forget). You no longer have to worry what to believe.
Waking from this haze requires returning to confusion, to not-knowing, to petty anxieties and doubts, all piled on top of a massive hangover of moral conscience. If you lack a moral conscience, by the way, you will NEVER wake up, because you have found your home, if you were not already a serial killer or rapist.