Month: November 2021

You know, to some great extent all of us are mind controlled.  What do you think childhood is, but an indoctrination?  And what do your parents teach?  In some great measure is it not what they were taught?  What the Church taught?  What their school taught?  What their employers and the TV and radio taught?

Much of spirituality, in effect, is deprogramming yourself, and getting rid of–or perhaps more accurately growing beyond through understanding–unhelpful reactive and deeply ingrained patterns.

More deeply it hit me that the core of what I will call the Cult of Kindness and Tolerance is REALLY “the only crime is difference.”  And by difference, it is the guy or gal who doesn’t fit in.  Who for whatever reason is not repeating that day’s propaganda.

And to be clear, all communications have many channels. There is what is said, but also the WAY it is said, both the format and what I will broadly call the tone.  If someone says “everyone should be nice”, that is benign and banal enough, but if someone says “You have to be nice, exactly as we define it at this moment, or we will isolate, attack, and destroy you.”.  That is a different message, isn’t it?  The word “nice” is used, but it has been fully decontexualized and all actual principle denuded.  The word nice–or kind–has been made into a club.

Look at this Covidian Cult.  I have people I am interacting with on the internet who claim they care about the “one life” that all this bullshit is supposed to save–who for example could easily be persuaded into another lockdown even now–but refuse to endorse the Zelenko Protocol.  The Vitamin one with Quercetin.  It is perfectly safe, and remember we were told the lockdowns were to save “one life”.  But the same people refuse to say, at least, “sure let’s do the vitamin but we should do the jabs too.”

Here is the thing: if the people with the jabs start doing the Zelenko Protocol, then the whole thing disappears, with little or no death.  Poof.  And I think they know this, and love the fact that this whole thing has given them some more ways of being self righteous without actually believing anything meaningful.

And on the deepest dive on this post, I never accepted that these jabs had the makings of neural lace in them, like Dean Koontz talks about in “The Silent Corner”, which is the only book of that series I have read, although I assume he explores the theme further.  And my reasoning was that self assembling neural lace, even if the technology exists to create it–which can be strongly questioned, but not rejected, in that the government clearly has a host of technologies we don’t know about–cannot be manufactured by the billions of the doses.  It is simply not logistically possible, or so I would assume.

But consider this: if metallic particles of some sort can be introduced to the blood stream, then they can be put anywhere in the body an operator wants IF THEY PUT THAT PERSON IN A MAGNETIC FIELD.

You introduce particles that never leave, that have properties which make the body never fully clean them out, then when it is time, you introduce some means or other of putting the person in a specific type of machine, which creates the neural lace.  And even there you have not controlled anyone, but you have created the MEANS for it.  The antennae.

What might be possible?  I would assume at a minimum everything they have been doing with mice.

This is plausible.  I hate to post it since I hate to give anyone ideas, but none of these people are stupid in that way, and no doubt some people out there have wracked their brains over all this.

No, these people are stupid in settling for scraps from the table of life–wealth and power and prestige and privileges–when they could have true wealth.  They are junkyard dogs, fighting over scraps, always hungry, always afraid.  Always smiling over it all, because that is what you do.  Smiling like Fauci, come to think of it.

In important respects the only people who could want mind control are already controlled themselves.  And this is the thing: the core people are far beyond self reflection.  They cannot hear moral arguments.  They are fully dissociated, and dissociation means you have lost all of your natural intelligence, which might have guided you to a better place.  You have consigned yourself to hell, and want as much company as you can get.  If you cannot have life, then at least you can have the power of life and death over others.

This is much of human history.  All possible new technologies exist merely to do old things quicker and more efficiently.

 

I think it is useful to view all “negative” emotions, like sadness, abandonment, loneliness, rage–all feelings I went through last night in my dreams–as transitional.  None of them are lasting.  None of them are infinite.

Only love, joy, peace, and compassion are infinite.

Feeling those feelings–embracing them fully–is the price you pay for the good stuff.

We need a word for what is being done.  That is my proposal.

First, I will comment that John Wayne’s basic character–that of a gruff asshole–would have likely been pretty common back then.  A great many of the men of our nation had fought in both World War 2 and Korea, and done and seen things that traumatized them.  This sort of thing makes you mean and impatient, if you don’t process it, and that idea in the main did not even exist back then.  You dealt with it, by drinking, and by spending time with men who understood you, and by deflecting in various ways.

Secondly, it is often forgotten how long and how often women have been used as de facto sexual slave.  The village or town or outpost or city is assaulted, the men killed, and the women carried away.  This was in my view one of the main appeals of Islam in the early days.  You were allowed four wives and unlimited concubines, who in most cases were sex slaves.

I will in fact wonder aloud of the slang “booty” is not in some way related to the older use of the term.

Third, I don’t know if such a list exists, but it would be interesting to see a compilation of the crimes committed by American Indians against white people, Hispanics, and other Indian tribes.  “Comanche”, I read, is the name given to that group by another tribe, and which means, in the language of that other tribe, “enemy”.

I remember reading that Andrew Jackson, when he was young, dealt with a number of Indian atrocities in Tennessee.  Some tribes–not all, but some–really did do the sorts of things portrayed in The Searchers.  Rape and murder, plunder and pillage, arson.  Men, women and children were slaughtered, occasionally in large numbers.

We read about what we did to them, but rarely about what they did to us, and the psychological background of, to take the obvious example, of what Jackson did in the Trail of Tears.

Now obviously we were the invaders, and in most cases they were, as they saw it, protecting their homelands.  But it is equally true that in most cases these tribes were actively hostile to one another, and fought regular skirmishes and not infrequently what amounted to wars.  We became in some respects the Alpha tribe, against whom no one could stand for long.  If you want to call us the Christian Borg, I won’t argue with you, although I’m not sure that in some respects we did not bring a higher level of respect for human life, and formal justice.  Certainly, it was not common practice to capture and trade women and children, even if of course we did engage in slavery up until 1865, and perhaps a bit longer in some places.

That would make for an interesting debate, if posturing and moralizing and haughtiness could be avoided on both sides.  I’m always interested in understanding my world and my history better.

Now, I think a lot of human knowledge was lost with the loss of these cultures.  But I think it is also always wise to paint complete pictures.  These were not complete savages, but neither were they innocent.  They committed very real atrocities.  Sacajaweya was the young wife of an old trapper, who had bought her from a tribe who had captured her in a raid on another tribe, in which, presumably, at least some of her family was killed.  These sorts of things need to be known.

And finally–until my next idea–I wanted to note how unobjectionable it was back then that Wayne served for the Confederacy.  As a kid in the 70’s I remember stands selling both Confederate and Union caps.  It was unobjectionable.

And to me–and I think to most of the people who fly the Rebel Flag (I’m not one of them, of course)–what that flag represents is FUCK YOU.  No matter what you are telling me to do, I’m not doing it.  Go to hell.  Come and take it.

Leaving aside the elephant in the room of slavery, the South, in seceding, was in my view very certainly more in keeping with the spirit of the original American Revolution than the Union, which caused the deaths of 650,000 soldiers–and an unknowable number of civilians–to protect a nation whose founding document most likely allowed secession.

As I have noted several times by now, no doubt, Jefferson Davis was arrested for treason following Appomattox, but was never tried.  He was held a year or two, then released without charges.  The main reason he was never tried is that there was a valid fear that the Supreme Court would validate the asserted right of secession, making the whole Civil War the illegal and tyrannical incursion Southerners always insisted it was.

I will stipulate as a general rule that when you think any side is always right you are missing something.  Most people and most peoples have both good and bad in them NO MATTER HOW YOU DEFINE THESE TERMS.  Indians were certainly brave.  I assume that is why they were called Braves.  As in Atlanta Braves.

And Indians lived in harmony with nature.  They also tended to be, en masse, rapists, killers and slavers, to a much greater extent than that tolerated by at least most American Christians.

And Christianity, ironically, was both the main source of objection to slavery, and one of the main means, in the South, used to justify it.  When you are dealing in abstract principles, a talented sophist can make them say anything he wants.  You start with the outcome you want–which is emotionally conditioned, and emanating from a somatic state–and work backwards.

Actually, I will add one more thing: most of the Indians in that movie were Navajo, if memory serves.  Back in the 1930’s, when I think John Ford first went to Monument Valley, he had been coaxed there by a local who told him it was a great site to make movies.  The locals, mostly Indians, were suffering a lot in the Great Depression.  Ford started making movies there and injecting a lot of money into the economy.  So those extras were getting paid well for playing what, for most of the movie (to his credit he did have a friendly tribe in there, and did mention passing through many other tribes, making Scar a sort of bandit even in the Indian world) were the “bad guys.”

I wonder how they felt about that.  No doubt they liked the money, but felt some regret and nostalgia about their own submission and conquering.  But I wonder if they thought: well those were COMANCHES, they were nothing like us.  No connection at all.

One of my vivid recollections from Stephen Ambroses “Undaunted Courage” is how DIFFERENT all the tribes were as Lewis and Clark moved west.  If they went just twenty miles, they would see radically different cultures.  One tribe might be criminal and dishonest drunks, and the next tribe highly dignified, and telling them not to trust those people down the path.

As I will keep commenting, one of the obvious, large fallacies committed by the Left in thinking of groups as homogeneous is that they think that “blacks” are a bloc.  “The Vietnamese” are a bloc.

Thus, in protecting black criminals, they are protecting “blacks”, when in reality those criminals prey most on other blacks, and thus they make black life in general WORSE, not better, and never realize it since they don’t live in those neighborhood, or interact with any blacks who are not also trying to profit from the gravy train politically.  They don’t interact, in effect, with the end users of their policies, with the end of the line, with the final and true effects.

Likewise in Vietnam, to hear the lunatic left talk, you would think we were just shooting “the yellow man” everywhere we saw him.  This is as laughable as it was ubiquitous among the idiot students.  We were ALLIED with one group of Vietnamese, to prevent ANOTHER group of Vietnamese from conquering and enslaving them.  We allied with one tribe against another tribe.  And we fought well, bravely, and effectively, and all the sacrifices and successes of our soldiers were rendered null and void by sanctimonious and corrupt or brainwashed Democrats, who claimed the war was somehow “racist”.  Lunacy.  Pure fucking lunacy.

Traditionally, Herd Immunity is when about 70-80% of a population has been infected with a disease and recovered or died.  Logically, then, if these vaccines, so called, did shit, then at about 80% vaccination the disease should fade.  But it seems to get worse.

And I read today that in actual samples from I think the nose and blood the “vaccinated” tend to have higher viral loads on average than the un”vaccinated”, which is the prediction made by those who have been warning of Antibody Dependent Enhancement for at least six months and most likely closer to a year.

 

 

Other comment: the “Extended Order” of Friedrich Hayek is really about making the system more intelligent by increasing both the number of discrete intelligences able to operate independently to approximate best solutions, as well as by increasing the amount of total information, with all local information being added automatically to all local actors.

Conservative economics, as understood nowadays on contradistinction with varying grades of socialism all shading to authoritarianism being pushed by the Left, is really about making the world SMARTER.  That is a good thing.

It is true that the data on the short term effects of taking spike protein injections is not, in my view, sufficient to say WITH CONFIDENCE that these things should be taken off the market entirely.

But it is equally true to say that a small fraction of the sorts of problems being reported were sufficient to take the Swine Flu Vaccine off the market in the 1970’s.

It is also true that vast amounts of anecdotal evidence exists to imply strongly that vaccine injuries are both being underrepored, and misreported.

And it is categorically true that THERE IS NO WAY TO PREDICT LONG TERM NEGATIVE OUTCOMES. That data does not exist because it CANNOT exist. These jabs have existed perhaps a tad more than a year, and most people who have received them got them in the past 10 months or so.

As I keep saying, you cannot gather 2 years of data in 1 year any more than you can fit 10 pounds of shit in a 5 pound bag.

And in my view it is established beyond any reasonable doubt that simple methods exist to reduce mortality from COVID that are 1) perfectly safe; and 2) being suppressed aggressively by the people who are supposed to be protecting us.

It seems to be clear that “vaccination” does not reduce spread, so the only remaining logical reason to participate in what is clearly a global medical experiment is to reduce mortality.

Give that we already have safe ways of doing this, I see no ethical or practical reason for continuing these things, at least pending trying the alternative, which would, broadly speaking, be to broaden awareness of, and use of, the Zelenko Protocols, combined with making people aware that physical inactivity and obesity are strongly correlated with risk of death.

I will sit for hours in silence sometimes, doing nothing but staring outside my window, sometimes stretching, often smoking and drinking coffee.  It is, I think, the only way to really get to know the flow of emotions within me, which lead to a flow of thoughts.

Or, as I have argued (I tend to use the word argue, assuming conflict, but of course nobody is arguing back, here; I am simply defensively oriented by nature) before, what really happens is sensations and images, as one dyad, lead to feelings and thoughts, as the second.

To my mind, if this is a valid claim, then the logical beginning of meditation is in sensation, and that trying to release thoughts is more or less getting it backwards.  There is no reason you cannot start with the end result and work backwards, but it seems to me this has to be less efficient than starting with the source, which is the body, and I am not aware of a more complete system of somatic “rectification”–I will call it today, or righting, or to use the word Tarthang Tulku uses, balancing–than Kum Nye.

So a thought appears today that all truth already exists in silence.  It is almost a bastardization and a reduction to consign truth to words.  Words are already cooling, and solidifying, and losing their glow and connection with the primal source, whose vehicle, perhaps I can say, is silence.

I had considered making Saturday my day of “no keyboard” for this reason.  But I am indulging myself, as I so often do.  It may never stop fully, and of course my hope is that what I write is useful to someone, perhaps at least myself.

And then the thought appeared (none of us really know where thoughts come from, do we, even if we think brains are the beginning and end?  I can say with some assurance, though, that waiting patiently makes them much more likely) that the past is a Present of sorts.  If I imagine Proust–who I have never read, by the way–delving into an extended research into past times, then what he is doing in the PRESENT is look at information which is ALSO present that exists in what we call the Past.  But we can learn, now, from what happened long ago, can’t we?  It can still speak to us  And we need to listen, for many reasons.  And I am not just referencing Santayana, but our own psychodynamic histories.

There are times I get at the feelings I had as a baby.  It’s interesting.  I feel the terror, the helplessness, the continually upset stomach (I had colic, which was likely related to a very precocious understanding of the precariousness of my emotional/social environment), the inability to move, the fear of the darkness.  No nurturing mother anywhere.  I know she read to me, and held me, and did outwardly the things mothers do, but I cannot ever remember feeling safe.

And it occurs to me that in some ways we cannot avoid being present in the Now, but that for many reasons our Now is actually somewhere else.  This is not intrinsically bad.  I mean, I entered a Now which happened many years ago, but it is also a part of my now Now.  It never left.  The past is not the past for most of us.

And our sense of the future–our hopes and fears–is really on a continuum with our past, is it not?  What we hope for was at some point possible for us, and what we fear has in most cases already happened in some way.

So what I would say is hold on loosely to the present, but don’t let go.  Much of this consists, I think, in more or less sometimes setting up a deer blind, and taking conscious notice–let us say we are camera hunters–of what passes by.

And sometimes we can sneak down and follow whatever it is, and see where it leads, how long we can stay with it until it eludes us.

To me, the idea that doing the dishes can be done mindfully, that we can be fully present to the process, is not all that helpful.  I can’t do it.  What I CAN do, though, is remain silent, and allow what wants to come up to come up.  All of these techniques of mindfulness are really tools for accessing the wisdom in silence.  That is my view.

I tried Zen many years ago, and I never connected with it emotionally.  It is too harsh for me, and I think this is mostly because they hold on too tight.  They have rigid schedules, and there is not enough space, even in meditation, for what I will broadly call “more”.  You need time to space out, to belly button gaze.  The Tibetans, to take one obvious example, seemingly understood that.  They held on to their practices, but they allowed space and gaps in them.

And I feel that “primitive”, or less wealthy, or less electrified and modernized peoples tend to naturally integrate what I would call meditation into every day.  Working a rice paddy, or squatting and pounding rice into flour for hours and hours, perhaps with others, and perhaps alone, perhaps singing or sharing gossip, perhaps in complete silence: all of these must generate a sense of calm and flow which vastly exceed anything most industrialized, decadent, silly Europeans and Americans and others see in any month in any year of many of their lives, which are filled with noise, stress, and a constant hunger for more things, more recognition, more accomplishment.

We are addicted to noise, obviously.  And the reason is that we don’t pay our debts as we go.  Most of us don’t take the time to feel what we are feeling, and just push it down and move on.  This accumulates, and calcifies–this calcification is Kun Zhi–and any time we try to release it large chunks of unpleasant experience tend to drop on us suddenly.

This is why we avoid it.  We are pursued and harried by all we have left behind and abandoned.  It’s not a good way to live.

And it is perhaps ironic, but eminently logical that the most powerful people, the most powerful families, tend to instill deep senses of shame in their children.  They are pushed, because they are supposed to be elite, superior, excellence personified.

I look at that picture of young Hillary that much older Hillary posted, when she assumed, with many others, that only modest levels of cheating would be needed to get her into the White House, and that she might well win outright.

I see a girl with a fake smile she learned probably by the time she was 5, who had been harassed, and harried, and pushed, pushed, pushed.  I don’t think Hillary ever really had a childhood worthy of the name.

Here is that picture. I find endless links tiring, even if they could be efficient:

Those seem to me sad eyes. I will often look at people’s pictures of their kids, and you can usually tell which ones are actually happy, and which ones are faking.

I wonder how well and how often her parents celebrated her birthday.  I suspect they were the sorts of people–and I have read zero biography, so this is purely speculative–who would be quite capable of withholding ALL birthday presents if she got a B in something, or failed to become President of some club or other.  She was taught early to be intensely competitive, and where needed to use any and all means necessary to achieve her ends.  As I noted in 2015-2016, her dishonesty was already conspicuous when she helped in the Watergate hearings.

So much of “high birth” is a curse.  And contented poverty is still contented poverty.  It is hard to see what in life is truly worth valuing, other than to note most of us, in our country, are obviously not doing it right.

As a conservative I can easily point to the obvious financial/economic success of free markets, property rights, and enforceable contract law.

But as a human being, I can also equally say that this success has not made us happy.  It has merely created the time and space in which something new COULD emerge, such that we banished poverty and want–let me say, involuntary poverty and want–but also embraced a better, higher culture which actually did work to fulfill human needs.

Many of the naive people supporting de facto Collectivism have been duped into thinking that anything has to be better. They see the loneliness, the people left behind, the huge disparities between the super rich and the rest of us, and conclude that those saying “we can do better” must actually INTEND to do better.  They don’t.  Their plan is to turn the world into a gulag in comparison to which they can feel special and superior.

It seems to me one glue holding evil people together is the necessity of reinforcing and protecting the shared delusion that they are living good lives, and that having more things, and special privileges and more power is intrinsically good, when they all know on some level that they are desperately lonely and on some level longing for death, even when that sense is very deeply buried, as for example it seems to have been with Fidel Castro, who was beyond doubt a full blown psychopath, as was Mao.

Is it not obvious that all Cubans not milking the Communist Party cow–which in turn steals all it wants from a people they impoverished– would gladly replace their current hellhole with an equivalent to what they had under Battista?  That the Chinese would be better off with a Chiang Kai Shek, or even someone worse?  The North Koreans with whatever despot was replaced by this set of Kims?

*****************************************************

And I will share one more thought before, I think, watching a John Wayne movie (the Searchers, which has been recommended to me by many people).

Pain and pleasure are harder to differentiate than many of us suppose.  More specifically, the connection between physical body states and how our minds interpret them are more complex than most of us consciously acknowledge.

Physiologically, the feeling of being on a roller coaster, and walking alone through a dark alley at night are not that different.  You get butterflies in your stomach, you tense up reflexively.

But people pay for the first experience, and they would pay to avoid the second.  Is this necessary?

Many of the soldiers I have talked to have talked about how addictive and life affirming combat can be.  I remember well talking with a couple West Point grads in a bar many years ago who kept going back to Afghanistan and Iraq because they LIKED it.

For them, war was a roller coaster ride.  It engendered feelings they did not know how to get any other way.  They ENJOYED the idea of walking down a dark alley, armed, alert, to see if they were the equal or better of whatever monster emerged.

And every time they were, it was a huge rush.  As I have said, the feeling of tension followed by release is a big factor in much of human behavior.  You need risk to get relief, and I would speculate that without risk, most people turn into banal slugs.

I may or may not have mentioned this, but it is apparently common for men to get erections–and women presumably the female equivalent–when in fire fights.  A friend of mine had told me this many years ago.  You get rock hard while under imminent threat of death in many cases.  In one story I read, a guy actually came in his pants after barely shooting someone before he himself was shot.

And this is one rarely commented on reason why erectile dysfunction is common in combat veterans.  Once the fog of war has cleared, once the images of dead bodies pile up in their minds, their dicks get confused, because the past becomes present, and sends them places they don’t want to go.  And their women, mostly likely, have a hard time understanding this, particularly if they don’t want to talk about the details, which seems likely in many cases.

But living well means learning to love the ride no matter what comes down the path of life.  I am of course not advocating war, but I am advocating the value of choosing difficult paths, and learning to love the grind, as Vince Lombardy talked about.  And learning to love risk.  Every athlete always runs the risk of failure.  The fact that they can lose makes victory more sweet.  There is no other way to get that feeling.

We tend to think of problems–which amount to a demand for work of various sorts, intellectual, physical, emotional–as distractions from life, as bad things.  But it is becoming increasingly obvious to me that the texture of your life–what makes it INTERESTING, with interesting being what attracts curiosity, and curiosity being one of the best feelings in life–is created by the quantity and quality of your problems.

Bless your problems.  Embrace your problems.  Know that they are gifts, designed to increase your human stature, your knowing, your capacity for life.

I have not seen anyone mention this, but in my understanding deadly force can be used to prevent arson, and I don’t believe it needs to either be an occupied building, or one that you own.

This is relevant particularly to riots in which arson is a common crime.

Here is one link, apparently from New York State: https://www.nycourts.gov/judges/cji/1-General/Defenses/CJI2d.Justification.Arson_35.20%281%29-%282%29.pdf

Now obviously the specific laws vary by State, but I’m pretty sure this is the case where I live, and it’s reasonable to assume that if that is the law in NEW YORK that most more lenient States allow this as well.

Arson is not talked about much because it is not common, but as I recall the sequence of events with Kyle Rittenhouse they threw a Molotov cocktail–can we perhaps call these Communist Incendiaries instead?–first, which either missed or failed to explode and spread flame.

One of the ideas I’ve been kind of looking at on the shelf is that Sadism consists in intentionally increasing tension in oneself, and then releasing it.

I think we are all born compassionate, caring, connected creatures.  It hurts us when others are mean to us, and it hurts us when we are mean to others.  Cruelty has to be taught, and modeled and inflicted.

But if you posit a baseline level of tension that is too high (due to trauma and lack of skill in state management), and that person has no means by which to reduce it, the only relative relief they can get is to RAISE the baseline temporarily, so that the return is, relatively, a release.

(As I think about it, ritual sacrifice could be seen as a sort of ritual sadism.)

As I have argued, Sade is really the best place to go to understand Sade-ism, which very certainly includes masochism.  One image I remember from 120 days in Sodom is one of his “heroes” taking a bath in shit, cum, vaginal blood, urine, and perhaps vomit.  No other person involved.  Just him.  He did that to himself.

And the pose he would have struck would have been nonchalant, even aristocratic.  He would have laughed about it with his friends.

But the nausea and disgust in him must have been extraordinary.

[And I will note on that score the question Gavin de Becker opens his excellent book “The Gift of Fear” with: what is the worst thing you can imagine one human being doing to another (here, to themselves)?  Now make it worse.  Somebody somewhere has done it.  All possible human crimes have been committed.]

Such a person is obviously strongly dissociated.  Dissociation requires stronger stimuli.  And in this particular case, what would happen is the BODY, on some level, would react appropriately, even if he was unaware of it.  His stress level would go up a lot.  Then he would get out, and the stress would go down.

And if you think about it, this is what sex does.  Arousal is regulated by the sympathetic nervous system, which we might call the reactive nervous system, and the one affected by outside stimuli.  Orgasm, in turn, is regulated by the perisympathetic nervous system, the one that calms the sympathetic system down.

So much of the relief in sex consists in first ratcheting up to a high degree TENSION (sex is work, is it not?  And would adding pain–to yourself or to someone else–not sometimes make logical sense?), and then releasing it suddenly.

So you can really derive cruelty/sadism/Sadeism from an inability to achieve calm, beautiful, contemplative states.  Trauma creates a continual alarm, and the only relative way to make that emotional sound fade for a time is to raise the level of tension a lot, and then release it.

And of course, say, whipping an innocent person for the sheer “pleasure” of it would amount to a release of the fight response.  They become the enemy, and you become their conqueror, which feels wonderful for a time, particularly if you have managed to convince yourself they actually are guilty of something.

Read these lyrics as if for the first time, and know that this happened.  This is historical reality:

Gold coast slave ship bound for cotton fields
Sold in a market down in New Orleans
Skydog slaver knows he’s doing alright
Hear him whip the women just around midnight

So the core human task is relaxation and state management.  The core source of all genuine morality is somatic.  Nothing else really matters.  All moral codes can be corrupted.  All moral reasoning can be corrupted.  This is why the postmodernists reject what they call the modernism that enabled, say, the Belgian Congo.

This is right enough, as far as it goes, but reasoning is still better than the rote and thoughtless conformity–itself also an outcome of unresolved trauma–with which they replaced it.

When you reject reason, you reject the possibility of useful human reconciliation of difference.  You separate and tribalize people.  And if you look at tribal behavior the world over, the only barrier to any one group doing to any other group anything they want is not moral, but dependent solely on relative levels of capacity for violence.  Bigger and more aggressive groups always conquer and control and use however they like smaller groups that are less well armed, and less militant.

So I would put it this way: IF we are to use language to mediate difference, then the form it should take, if we want peace and harmony, is reason.  Rationality, as best as we can do it.  It does not matter that reason can be corrupted.  If it is possible to overcook a steak does not mean that it is impossible to do it correctly.  If you fuck up, fix it.  Don’t stop trying.  Don’t reject the aim or the method simply because failure is possible.  Learn from your mistakes.

It is my perception that at this moment in history much of the wealthier portion of the human race has rejected reason, and learned to live in fear.  This fear makes their interactions with people who differ from them violent, and their calculations based on the raw exercise of power.  This is definitionally anti-Liberal in my view.

And I would say this: feeling loved is one of the quickest cures imaginable for all of this.  Feeling valued with no additions or subtractions from exactly who you are at this very moment, from someone quite aware of all the fucked up stuff you do you don’t know why.  If we’ve been there, we know why, quite well.

Me, I see evil in me.  I am not describing anything I have not felt, and not felt RECENTLY.  I went on an evil carnival ride through darkness and whirring blades the other night in a dream, which ended with having sex with a woman I know who I am pretty sure dabbled in Satanism, and which left a mark on her she is well aware of.  She is not evil, but she has touched it.  I feel that.  It bothers her, and she has never known what to do with it.

All of this is me trying to map out the human psyche, from the inside.  Can you be outside the human psyche you may ask?  Well, most psychologists seem to think so.  They read a book, you see.  Many books.  There they are on the shelf.

I’m kidding.  I don’t hate psychologists.  And I’m trying not to hate anyone.  You see these coffee mugs and t-shirts that say “I hate people”, or “I am not a people person”.

What this really means is that they feel fear and uncertainty in social environments that prevent them from connecting with people.  And other people, of course, feeling that hesitancy–which is nearly universal by the way in our superficial culture–pull back.  So the more needy you are, the less likely you are to connect, in far too many cases.

Our nation is filled with people like Tantalus, who feel like every time they reach out for love, it retreats.  Many of them become suicides.  Most of them are depressed, with good reason.  This is not genetics, and it can only be meliorated–not cured–with drugs.

We need a new way.  I continue to seek it, and it is a fucking bitch, let me tell you.  But I have been blessed with the gift of not dying easily.  Otherwise I would be dead.  I am the Wolverine.  I am destroyed, killed, blown apart, and then I reassemble and go again.  It’s what I do.

My work continues.  I feel like I am making progress lately.  I think some sort of breakthrough may be possible before the end of the year.  That is what my gut is telling me.

What is certain is that I don’t quit.  Ever.  Not for anything important.

I think obedience and conformity are the outer forms of inner shame.  People who loathe themselves easily let other people tell them what to do.

But shame and violence go together, obviously.  Inner shame is easily channeled into aggressive violence.  If you look at what the Japanese did to the Chinese, or that the Chinese are doing to the Uighurs and Tibetans, that is people who have themselves been humiliated and crushed doing the same thing to people even weaker than themselves.

When you read about a “shame based” culture, you are almost inherently dealing with a nation which has a strong tendency to wage aggressive warfare, outwardly, or to protect rigid social hierarchies with real physical violence.