Month: April 2019

I may have commented on this before–I feel like this must have occurred to me–but this whole notion of Privilege amounts to a Socialism of Social Capital.

We assign, in the undisturbed natural order of things, on this account, higher value socially to white people.  We assign higher social value, higher prestige, higher presumed natural authority, to males versus females.  We assign higher value to heterosexuals relative to homosexuals.  Etc.

In the same sense that socialists want to take from the rich and give to the poor, they want, here, to take Social Capital from those who have it–by asking them to plead guilty to being “privileged” and to wear sackcloth shirts and flagellate themselves–and by elevating “victims” by, among other things, allowing them to attack everyone guilty of “microaggressions” (defined as a social act reinforcing a high/low relation in a social hierarchy), and in general valuing the bottom the highest, and the highest the lowest.

Thus a gay transexual (yeah, this is a thing: it’s also called heterosexuality, but with a lot of mental illness and self delusion attached) black female (a dude who thinks he’s a woman who likes women) illegal alien would be at the top.  It is a redistribution of something–here social capital, aka “privilege”–from the “richest” to the “poorest”.

As is typical with socialist ideas, this involves bullying–aka social violence–and is oriented not around raising the overall average by improving and equalizing the social capital for everyone, but rather around tearing down the high, and trying to artificially elevate the low, by implementing a parallel power hierarchy run by themselves.  Their answer always involves Socialist intellectuals being empowered to bully everyone.  This is the root psychological need, of course, underlying the whole thing.  Socialists are usually emotionally and physically weak people, who have been marginalized their whole lives because they are weird, who find in socialist ideas a rationalization for their aggressive urges, and a system of ideas which sounds good enough that stupid people, if they can be indoctrinated enough, early enough, will support.

In any event, the low social capital group is, in aggregate, the socialist “working class” as things exist today.  To their chagrin, the fucking working class became middle class.  They no longer respond to socialist and Communist rhetoric.  This is why they need to import genuinely needy people from Latin America (and indeed the rest of the world, as we have discovered) who will respond to their “we will rescue you” rhetoric.

They need, in other words, to CREATE problems for which their politics is even conceivably a solution.

This idiocy cannot be denigrated sufficiently.  It is a cancer in a healthy body, which will destroy everything good in this nation, if allowed to fester long enough.

Fortunately, I think most American voters have figured this out.  I think there are millions of lifelong Democrat voters out there going snap, crackle, pop, this is bullshit, this party has nothing for me any more.

I think Hispanics are figuring out that all these illegals affect them the first and the most.  They wind up in Spanish speaking neighborhoods, so that is who they victimize.  A lot of these people are just thugs.  No sane person wants that, and I really do think the vast majority of Hispanics identify now, first and foremost, as Americans.  This would obviously apply to all who have been here several generations, but also first generation immigrants who did it the legal, honest way.  They have no particular affiliation with El Salvadorans, or Guatamalans who, in the main, are coming her for free shit.  They are with the rest of us: this is absolute suicide, absolute self destructiveness on our part, for which no sane justification can be offered.

I love, by the way, Trumps proposal to release illegals we don’t have the space to detain, and who we are not currently legally allowed to push back across the border–not least because of the fucking Democrats, who oppose all sane ideas now–into sanctuary cities.  These are cities run by the people making it impossible to adequately police our border, and who have declared war on our national immigration laws.  If they want to help these people, then give them all they can handle, then keep going.  It’s perfectly logical.  It makes perfect sense.  Given their politics, they should WELCOME these people, and if they don’t, they are showing, by that very act, that they too KNOW that their policies are bullshit, and that Trump is in the right,

I have a couple ideas to post, but for now I will comment that I forgot to weigh myself yesterday.  I did remember the teacup.  I had a bottle of wine and two beers Friday night, and 2 beers only last night.  This morning I weigh 290, and I forgot.

Actually, I will comment on one idea: inventing a word for all the traumatic particles of tension which fly away as you begin to relax.  I feel them in dreams.  It is like some part of me just leaves and goes flying off, and I realize it was not necessary for my health.  It is like a particle decay, in a sense, to some more basic reality, some more stable and solid reality.

I was trying to put on my Joanne Rowling naming cap yesterday and came up with Horbus.  When you feel it, you will know what I am talking about.  Many of you–if I have multiple readers–will have no idea.  You haven’t felt it.  But when you have felt it, you will understand why I feel a word would be appropriate.

Here’s another word: Philosafineia.  This is the love or affection for clarity.  I don’t read Greek, but that is the word which came up when I looked it up.

I have a philosophical problem with the word philosophy.  As Wittgenstein and others pointed out, there is a tacit assumption behind the word sophia/wisdom/truth, which is that there is a unitary truth or wisdom, as it pertains to human affairs, human flourishing, which can be known through the process of thinking and dialogue.  And of course, the problem is that these are word based constructions which have no observable reality behind them.  They can be built in many ways, based on differing subjective interpretations of experience, and indeed differing experiences in and of themselves.

This of course is the root of postmodernism, and much of the imbecility in the Academy.  They go from the idea that no firm notion of truth can be PROVEN to the idea that the notion of truth is useless and even pernicious.  This is stupid. I can say it is stupid because I have not rejected the notion of the efficacy of the notion of truth, even if I am willing to admit it comes with caveats.  They cannot say I am stupid for any reason other than that I am not conforming to whatever their idiotic scheme of the day happens to be.  Postmodernism is a manufacturing method used to transmute common sense and fellow affection among human beings into dogmatic ignorance, GroupThink, and incoherent use of language.

Philosafineia would be the love of speaking clearly.  One can say “This is what I believe.  I do not stipulate it as the absolute one truth, or the most useful truth for all human beings in all times.  I assert that it will be useful right now, for the people to whom I am speaking.  I have done the work to speak plainly, that you may know in detail what it is I believe and why, before choosing to agree or disagree.”

The either/or operator is apparently hard wired into the human brain, at least as a tendency among those unwilling to do the emotional work required to capture and appreciate nuance, shade, and the continuum.  The choice of contingent truth, temporary truth, always lies between the One Truth, and the No Truth.  This should be self evident, but I think many academics thrive in an environment where they are allowed and even encouraged to be so incoherent no one can ever capture their ideas sufficiently well to critique them.  Most of them hate critique. They are very sensitive, poorly defined human beings, so it follows that they would value greatly poorly defined ideas no one is allowed to criticize.

My work continues.

On trust: a gate which never opens is a wall, and living within walls is living in a prison.

I don’t know if this is mine.  It feels recycled somehow.  It seems likely someone has said this, but I don’t know who.  

In some important respects, clouds are a good metaphor for feelings.  They come and go in endless variety, never quite repeating exactly the same way, like snowflakes.

And there is always a clear blue sky behind them.

291, I forgot, and 8 beers.

You know, in spite of all my failings–and they are sundry–I really feel I do have a warrior spirit in me, something relentless, fierce, and which is so focused on the task it forgets to feel fear.  There is something in me which loves the fight, which excels at it.  It is simply wrapped in a roll of blubber, hesitation, indecision, and weakness.  It is my job to unwrap it.

And I feel my work is not just healing, and not just healing myself.  Ultimately, the reason this is taking so long is that I am learning to drink the spirit of the age, and to spread myself out wide and inherit it, internalize it, and heal it, too, within me.  That will be the medicine we all need.  Every time needs its own blend.

As far as integrating multiple selves, I have realized that their main source of conflict is in anticipation.   They stand in relation to one another roughly like this: /  and .  They are not pointing directly at each other, and can be squared to stand parallel to one another, and moving in the same direction.

Where conflict exists, though, both “sides” are trying to occupy the same space, and occupying it imaginatively in advance.  For example, the gut/dark/animal energy is afraid the higher social/human/peaceful consciousness will allow it to be betrayed.  So it plants paranoia and mistrust.

Feeling this paranoia and mistrust, the higher consciousness feels a sense of self loathing in interacting with other people, because it knows some part of us is already committing violence to others somewhere in our inner recesses.  It is, at least, pushing them away, gating them off.

But in turn, this process can lead to both rage and depression.  It is a suppression of energy.  We naturally want to trust our fellow humans.  More: we naturally need intimacy with them, closeness, community, belonging.

So two basically benignant processes–the desire to protect oneself is healthy, after all–cycle into patterns of conflict which are very hard to resolve.  Both start from healthy places.  Both have healthy intentions.  But the net result is self hatred, ineffectiveness, and in the end, a cessation of useful intuition which would allow us to know who to trust and who not to trust, which is a faculty I think we are all born with.  We are born with the ability to see everything we need to see, in my view.  We simply fuck it up with internal games like this.

I developed a tool I am calling Tom Riddle’s Diary, in which my waking consciousness communicates with my shadow, dark side.  The intent is to focus on shared interests, and more generally to initiate the process of communication.  You may be surprised what you find your hands writing if you simply invite this voice to express itself.

Janet, when he was working with hypnotism, found he could generate many discrete “operating systems” within individuals, each running its own path automatically.  There was no spontaneity in each subroutine, but they could exist in parallel.

I am tempted to speculate this aspect of the human nervous system must be as aspect of survival.  If habits are learned instincts, then we are born with the capacity to learn many instincts, many of which we do not even know we have learned.  We see this in hypnosis.  It is occupying that space, those shelves in our psyches.

The task of integration is ultimately expansion, to become a large cloud of a personality, to expand the sKum, at least with Kum Nye.  When you are a large cloud, you can see there are no small bubbles of darkness within you.  Those would prevent the expansion.  They would show up in your practice.  The goal is to eliminate all subroutines. 

If you think about it, there would be no internal conflict if we allowed things to play out, to actually happen.  There is a place for the part of us which mistrusts some people for specific reasons.  Gavin de Becker, who knows something about violence, called this the Gift of Fear. 

And in my own case, my protective part wanted some attention.  I am going to read some books on threat assessment, and probably take my gun to the range and fire enough bullets to feel like I could do it for real.  And some other things.

But the key is I am listening to it.  Regardless of our need to believe otherwise, we all still live in a sometimes-dangerous world.  There is physical violence, of course.  But there is also a lot of emotional violence, of which emotional dissociation–not genuinely interacting with others at an emotionally honest level–is the most common.  And it is hard to see, and easy to learn to see as normal.  It is not normal.  Being cold is not normal.

Our birthright is happiness.  We are all wired for it.  We simply have to find our way there.

But the first thing we have to do is befriend ourselves, and this process starts with listening.  This is a very important insight.

It’s hard to know what to make of this, other than that the CIA and NSA and others seem to have gotten their way.

I was an opponent of Assange when he was undermining our war efforts in 2010.  But he did a lot of good in 2016 by airing Democrat dirty laundry.

My feeling is that if Trump pardons him, he could not send a stronger message to the Deep State, and if he allows his prosecution, then to all appearances he is siding with them.

No doubt there are complexities and information which I don’t possess which are relevant and important.   But that’s my view at the moment.

292, I forgot, and 2 Guinness and the rest of the Aquavit, roughly a third of a 82 proof bottle.

This is interesting to observe.  A normal person might look at this and wonder at me.  But disconnection, the breaking of patterns, is what kept me alive in childhood.  If I had not learned to forget, I literally think I would have been institutionalized.  And I think there are large numbers of me, walking wounded, who developed some strategy unknowingly to survive and avoid the loony bin, but who still bear the marks of those acts of desperation.

I have momentum.  I have already tracked myself longer than I ever have previously.  I had a highly instructive dream last night I won’t discuss.

I have also developed a method of intrapsychic integration I will discuss in another post.

289, I remembered, and I drank the better part of a 750 of Aquavit.

Watch this exchange between Gamma (the one after Beta) male Rep. Lieu (as in we got him in lieu of a substantive human being) and Candace Owens: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GC6ZkM79Vao

You get this snarky, effeminate asshole play a clip which, even in the part he played, makes it obvious Owens is in no way defending or supporting Hitler, then you get some generic angry leftwing woman to agree, then push it to her.  She is immediately misunderstood by the Chair, who sees fit to chastise her for something she did not say, and to more or less invoke his authority in the face of a small black woman–which he would otherwise never do–because she is off the plantation, saying things her kind are not supposed to say, and that sort of uppetyness cannot be tolerated.  Her tone cannot be tolerated.  She was brought before the committee already guilty of the crime she was accused of.

If the Democrats ever get national power again, we will have Political Commissars, boards of inquiry on thought crimes, the complete suppression of free speech and the alternative viewpoints it enables, and a darkness which will last a long time.  I mean this literally, with no exaggeration.  They are already working as hard as they can in this direction.  We cannot allow this.  Not in this country.

Black people, most of all, need to wake up.  

I realized today that you can never, ever fully get rid of your Shadow realm, psychologically.  Not only that, but that trying to do so eradicates all your positive energy and emotion too.  It is a realm where things can exist and thrive which do not do well in daylight conditions.  Things like the survival instinct, constructive rage, and the ability to draw distinctions between people based on gut intuition.  You need communication, but you also need a place for these things to live, and be welcomed and fed.

My issue is that I have never entered into a constructive dialogue with this part of me.  This is the key element I have been missing.  This is the stupid which crept up on me.

Here is the thing: my addictions (it is more than one) rest on this unwillingness to have this conversation.  Some part of me, in turn, punishes me for this failure.  Hence the see-saw.

More to come on this topic.