Month: June 2018

I had a couple pretty major, for me, insights last week.  But I am holding them for some reason.  I don’t know why.

I saw a demon again last night, but this time it was somewhere else.  I was on its turf.  And for the first time ever, I realized it was afraid of me.  The second time I told it to leave, it did.

When I get through all this–and I will, believe me, because I don’t quit, even if I sometimes pause, sometimes quake in fear, sometimes avoid movement for a long time–nothing will shake me for long.

This is my apprenticeship.  It’s a long apprenticeship, because there is both a lot to learn, and because much of it has to be invented by me to conform to this unique time and circumstance.  But I will get through.

I should have a couple interesting posts this week, when I feel ready.

Take a look at this: https://thegoldwater.com/news/27864-Veterans-Rights-Group-Discovers-a-Child-Trafficking-Camp-in-Arizona-MSM-SILENT

Are they overreacting?  I don’t know.  I can’t comment intelligently.

But I will say that I have thought for some years that the massive influx of children that happened under Obama in his last year or two was a pedophiles dream come true.  You have thousands of children in this country under our control, who do not speak English, and who are fully disconnected from their parents.  This, alone, should have sent up signal flares everywhere.  Obama welcomed them. He, obviously, wants as many people here illegally as possible, provided they understand their debt to Democrats.

But how corruptible is ICE?  How corrupted WAS it?  We saw pictures of kids in cages.  The drug cartels have billions of dollars.  Should we assume everyone on our side of the border is honest?  Why?  I see no reason.

This may turn into something.  It may not.  But that there are evil, sick human beings in this world is beyond dispute, and that looking for evidence of their presence and activity is a worthwhile activity is also, in my view, indisputable.

And it seems likely to me that the complicit media, in general, wants to avoid these sorts of stories like the plague.  There was a lot of very sketchy stuff going on at that pizza place in Washington, which did not deserve to be mocked and dismissed outright.

This world, in my opinion, lacks for genuinely serious people.  Most people are vain, superficial, glib, and eager to avoid trouble, embarrassment, or controversy.  This means most useful work is done by those who do not suffer from these profound character defects.

It is not good to seek out fights, but also not good to avoid them.  If they are there, don’t back down.   

I was doing a deep relaxation exercise yesterday, and the feeling of trauma came through much more slowly than it usually does.  What normally happens is it shows up and my body immediately starts shaking to dispel it.  The shaking is already a diversion.  I don’t get the texture of the feeling.  It is like something dropping on me.  Perhaps.  I’m not sure that’s quite right.

But I felt the texture of the feeling yesterday.  I can’t begin to describe it, other than as highly unpleasant.

I wonder if one aspect of relating to time as compressed has to do with the habit of dealing with emotins in bundles.  If you slow down too much, they come undone, and all come tumbling out, one by one, most of them harmless, but a few quite toxic, or seemingly so.  My personal feeling is there are no truly toxic emotions.  All of them exist for reasons.  The feeling of trauma is the residue of the decision forced on a nervous system to keep you alive and moving.

This feeling I felt, though: hidden, buried, disappeared–it is the root of evil.  Evil, too, is logical.  It is emotionally logical, and flows naturally from feelings which cannot be borne, cannot be carried, cannot be expressed in any healthy way, and which are thus expressed in unhealthy ways.

I am beginning to see through people.  Through their defenses, through their annoying habits, to what lies at the core.  You cannot be angry at people when you understand them, and how logical their behavior is.

This is, I hope, the root of something good.  Finally.

So I’m in a parking garage somewhere in Pennsylvania, and I watch this guy drive by, hunched over his steering wheel, loose shirt, goatee, with some shit in the back of a very average car he’s delivering somewhere, and it hit me he’s making this all up as he goes along. Maybe he had a happy childhood, maybe sad, most likely both, and then it hit me we are all looking for “answers”.  THE Answr, if possible. Some of course claim to have found IT. Most churches and most political parties would be empty without these people.

But then I got the image a traditional Indian guru, facepaint and all, telling people “I don’t have a fucking clue how all this works. I’d sure like to know. Some say love is the answer, but dude, seriously: who can or should live EVERYONE?  Child rapists?  Oh yes, you say, them too. But if you DEMAND I love them, who are you? Who am I, if I let you teach me to try and feel things that aren’t there? All principles, in the end, are empty. There is nothing, in the end, I can or should tell you, except this apology for my impotence. But do tell me about yourself. I love hearing people’s stories, and you know, maybe all this isn’t as bad as some people want to make it.  The boat is moving, and it will get there someday, however we feel about it.”

This right here: true story, bro.