Month: October 2016

I feel the Hell within me draining away.  To use a current metaphor, it is draining a swamp.  It takes time.  It takes effort.  It takes courage.

It seems to me we all graduate into adult life with miniature–or perhaps large–hells within us.  We put boundaries around it.  We push it from consciousness and push it from our daily lives.  That is not who we are, not who we choose to be (hopefully, although some clearly do).

But we have to stay alert.  In Christian notions, the Devil, temptation, is always there.  You have to fight it.  You have to keep the devil in the hole, as Tom Waits puts it.

This is misguided, in my view.  God has not asked us to observe some strict and unbending moral code predicated on our abdication of all normal human instincts.

What is needed, rather, is an allowing: establishing a conscious contact with these feelings of rage, and anger and jealousy, and fear, and humiliation, and shame,. and violence, and despair, and sadness and disconnection, and AMPLIFYING THEM.  This is Kum Nye.  You find something small and pay attention to it. You merge it with the breath.  You expand it and amplify it, and it becomes a cloud that eventually travels beyond you and becomes irrelevant.

I have discovered a new personal development method I am testing and will share if it bears the fruit I expect.

But I wanted to say that the goal of psychospiritual development is to erase the past, and to encounter and interact with what happens as it is, in the present; to bring nothing to the table, to have nothing within you which is “triggered”, to be perfectly present, perfectly responsive, perfectly perceptive.  Life is fun in such situations, even when difficulty knocks on the door.  You do not trigger despair: you trigger RESOURCES.

Most people lead lives of “quiet desperation” as Thoreau memorably put it.  But it is possible to dispose of all unwarranted anxieties, and to do the OPPOSITE, which is learn to cultivate happiness, contentment, confidence, power, engagement, control, agency. Not only are you not acted on then, but the world, life, becomes a game, a game you can often win.  That is what we all should aim for.

Hillary Clinton heard yelling ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME to world. World thinks it’s funny.

Since she was not involved directly in the original probe she has likely not been offered immunity. Neith has Cheryl Mills. If the FBI wants to recover some of its lost luster it needs to put an agent on the case who has NOT been bribed–if they can find one–and put together a case quickly that will allow them to present credible threats of thirty year sentences to both Mills and Abeddin and get them to squeak.

Obama can pardon them, but particularly if Trump wins, he himself will be subject of criminal probes. It might make sense for Trump to leave him alone, politically.

But none of knows who will win, and once the FBI presses charges neither can know if they will be pardoned.

It is a shitty thing that Obama is so corrupt or this would be easy.

It may be the case too that pardons can only be granted AFTER charges are filed. I’ll leave it to professionals to decide, but if the FBI had not DELIBERATELY fucked up, they could have squeezed the IT folks BEFORE they gave them immunity. Hillary should be in jail for numerous felonies, not campaigning for control of the DoJ and FBI.

I think we are finding people from across the ideological spectrum realizing they were pissed about the same things, but divided by the propaganda so the elites used to justify it, which of course was the intention.

The smoke is lifting. Trump, by speaking obvious, important, and necessary truths has lifted the curtain and exposed the corruption and deceit at the heart of BOTH parties.

BTW: Camille the Pirate is back: http://www.spectator.co.uk/2016/10/the-woman-is-a-disaster-camille-paglia-on-hillary-clinton/

Seemingly too independent for Salon, she landed in Limey-land.

As I meditate on the texture of Leftist discourse–which is to say, broadly speaking, anything said by a Democrat, or a university student or professor in the Humanities–it seems to me that words have acquired reality.  Words are acts.

But acts are not.  Acts are less important than words.  It is almost like anyone speaking in an unapproved way, who is seeking–not having been contented with the Foundness which was foisted on them in school–their own truths, is casting spells, is committing witchcraft, is enfeebling the very world with their horrific acts of treachery.

It is a primitive thinking, infantile thinking, as as I ponder it it has much in common with the “spells” cast by people suffering from Obsessive  Compulsive Disorder.  OCD appears highly structured–you have to tap yourself 16 times before eating, you have to wash your hands exactly 5 times after touching a doorknob, etc–but in reality that external order results from inner chaos.  It results from an inability to manage anxiety, and a constant need to “ground” it in concrete, controllable acts, without which the world will disappear.  You may not be sure that stepping on a crack will break your mother’s back, but why chance it?  For all you know it is working.

This whole explosion of control-oriented behavior–did I read wearing a clown costume is ILLEGAL in some places?  WTF?–is the outgrowth of profound terrors, unresolved anxiety disorders.  It is NOT the result of clear, outcome-based thinking oriented around improving human life in any definable way.  On the contrary, it ACTS TO make people weaker, more pathetic, more needy, and more miserable.

It seems like the most accurate portrait of actual voting would be asking people coming out of the polls who they voted for.  I see real time updates every election, but I have never been quite clear how it was gathered.  I don’t know if reporters try and stop 100% of voters outside voting places and get their vote or what they do, but it seems to me an app could be developed, or even a simple pad of paper, where you check who you voted for.  I don’t know how far people are willing to go to ensure election integrity, but if in fact it is the plan of the elite to first create false polling data, and then cheat by rigging the machines to match it, then asking actual people walking out should show any gross mismatches immediately.  Hillary is clearly not up 12 points, and she clearly has no “momentum” as one commentator put it.  How could she?  She isn’t even campaigning and she is hit with a new scandal almost daily.  Trump is filling stadiums like a literal rock star.

As far as voting integrity, why is Mexico much better, much more sensible than us?  That is a rhetorical question.  The answer is Democrats like our system because it facilitates cheating, they have dumbed down our populace so much that they can create drama over the need to prove you are who you say you are, and because Republicans, until now, have lacked the balls to call them on it.

As far as Hillary, I think she is dying.  I literally think she is dying.  She has been very sick for a very long time, and the pills and shots they are using to make her function are taking a toll.  I see her in my minds eye slowly realizing that even if she wins the Presidency, she will not be on this Earth much longer, and her mortality is slowly dawning on her.  She is tired, very tired.  At this point, what difference does the Presidency itself really make?  Her fucking husband is who will get it, who will use it.  He is the bastard she has been putting up with all these years, to get to this point, and what for?  What is the point?

That is what I feel.  Who knows how accurate it is?

I look back to some of my posts from years ago, and I really feel I am growing. I did the best I could then, but I can do better now.  Hopefully I can do better yet in years to come as I thaw, and get less crazy.

Without dwelling too long it, it seems to me that everyone was lying in this movie.  The professor pretended he was selfish and wanted the Nobel Prize.  He never contradicted anyone who accused him of it.  But what he really wanted was idealistic: to protect humanity.  And he was willing to die to do it.

The Author said he had no conscience, no soul, but refused to subject the world to his inner demons and failings.  That IS a conscience.

The Stalker acted distraught that no one believed, and one could be forgiven for thinking that he was a closet idealist, but in reality he himself showed he had no belief both by never going in the Room, and by–after demanding of the world that SOMEONE believe–refused to believe in his wife, after she offered to basically see him through all the way to his alleged dreams.

The wife lied when she said that she made the right decision.  I forget exactly what she said, but it amounted to a repudiation of her torment writhing on the kitchen floor in the beginning.  She lied to herself and the camera.

And the child WAS the miracle the Stalker claimed he wanted, claimed was the result of belief.  And she was horribly lonely, rejected, and alone.  She was unseen by all, unknown to all. They could only see their representations of belief, not the Light to which it led, and which had already been granted.  (In Nostalghia, in a dream, a feminine voice says to God: show him a sign.  God: I show him all the time, but he cannot see).

It’s funny reading literature or watching film and finding you need to interrogate the outer narrative.  I felt like that, as I posted years ago, with The Great Gatsby.  Nick’s opinion notwithstanding, Gatsby was a shit.

I was thinking tonight that both the statements “everything I do is in my control”, and “nothing I do is within my control” are both contingently true.  Sometimes it is useful to exaggerate and build your ability to control your behavior, and sometimes it is useful to exaggerate your inner knowing, your spontaneity, and simple have faith things will work out.

And as I ponder it, a wave function appears to me.  It goes up and down.  And what is it doing?  Searching for what is most true in any moment.

Truth–particularly moral truth–is not built as an eternal structure, like the Parthenon was in principle.  It does not have unmoving columns and an immense roof to support.  It is more like a dance, or the engagement by a predator with its prey.  No hunting animal hunts exactly the same way twice, but all hunt in similar ways all the time.  It is the same, and it is different.

So much is lost when we attempt to make things of ideas, rather than processes, emergences, happenings. insights, music.

You cannot think your way into truth, but you can think your way out of it.  You can quote me on that.

I was watching an interview with Andrei Tarkovsky last night–I got special reels with both The Sacrifice and Stalker I had not previously noticed–and he was commenting, as he watched a small creek flow by, that thinking about reality doesn’t interest him, but participating in it does.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM-8QNkqx4M

Listen to the lyrics of this song.  I won’t link them, as he is easy enough to understand.

I didn’t get this song for a long time.  What is a beautiful loser? What’s wrong with dreaming like a young man with the wisdom of an old man?

It is perhaps testament to my own stupidity that I didn’t get it.  But as I deal with my anger–and this is my post on the Headless Ones–I realize that what he is describing is someone who never commits to anyone or anything.  He doesn’t take a stand and roll the dice.  He always goes along to get along.  He thinks about all these beautiful things he could do, people he could be, places he could go.  He smiles often, and everyone thinks of him as nice, but they don’t think about him often.  Why would they?  He is featureless: a perfect lodger, and perfect guest.  You hardly know he is there.  Sure, he’s there if you need him, but he has the courtesy not to demand the same.

All of us, to be happy, need to put our print on the world.  We need to know we are seen, that we are recognized, that our life is reflected in the eyes of others.  This is hard wired, it is instinctual.  We cannot choose to be otherwise.  And this process is dynamic.  Sometimes it is pushing and sometimes pulling.  Sometimes it involves aggression.  It is natural to be angry when someone demeans or belittles us.

And the Cult of Niceness interrupts this process. Our thought leaders have destroyed moral certainty, but we all need a code.  The people who have rejected church and traditional religion are thus left with niceness.  Kindness. We are left with the Dalai Lama speaking partial truths when he says kindness is all you need.

It is not quite right to call this fucking stupid, but it is close. In his home country of Tibet–for whom he assumed by his birth and his title spiritual responsibility–they have cameras in all the major cities where they can identify and put out people who set themselves on fire within I think it was 4 minutes.  They want the outer appearance of civility and order.

I have been thinking the past couple of days about a story I read of a monk who was captured by the Communists and presumably tortured.  Do you ever imagine yourself being tortured?  Do you wonder how you would deal with it, what strategies might alleviate the pain?  I do.  As a student of history I know full well what is possible.

This monk escaped, and immediately killed himself by jumping off a high bridge.  That set off a wave of riots Obama did nothing to support, and the Dalai Lama muttered pious and completely useless platitudes. He hasn’t been there since he was a child.  He knows little of the Tibetan people as they have evolved since the 1950’s, and particularly after the Campaign of Cultural Destruction, as Mao’s Cultural Revolution might more accurately be labeled.

Returning to my main point–although this is topical, as we will see–the Cult of Niceness permits no defects.  You cannot be forgiven for being an asshole.  You cannot be forgiven for voting for Trump.  Nice people don’t do that.  Nice people do what all the other nice people do.  They are nice.  That is their creed, their purpose in life, to always say Yes, to always concede in every conflict, to never complain when caught in a freeze.

Yes, yes, yes: we always say yes.  You want to rape me?  Sure, why not.  You want to burn cars in my street?  Sure, why not.  I would hate for someone to think I wasn’t nice.  You want to terrorize my neighborhood, beat people up, steal our shit, then spit on us?  Well, I wonder what we did to make you so mad.  We will have to apologize and fall prostrate at your feet.

Do you recognize this?  It is everywhere apparent in our decadent world right now.   Beautiful losers, who want it all, but can’t have it all.  You can’t be yourself when you are busy prostituting whatever residual sense of self respect you had to the needs of people who hate you.

We hear of the guy who shot the place up, or who is outed as a serial killer: but he was so quiet.  He seemed like a nice man.

What happens when you give and give and give and never get? What happens when you reject in principle the notion of psychological and moral boundaries?  What if everything you could hold dear is up for constant negotiations, which you always lose?  What if nothing you own and no part of your personality is truly yours?  What if you have no home, no resting place, no shelter from storms raging all around you?

Run that scenario through your mind.  What do you get?  Bestial, primitive rage. Unreasoning, because unrecognized aggression, hostility, the desire to HURT people.

What I think many naive people–and America is filled with these people, because they have not been cheated, stolen from, attacked or violated–fail to get is that smiling faces really can conceal black hearts.  The cruelest among us can have the best, most winning smiles.  The Headless Ones might be hilarious at parties, funny, charming, interesting.

Until you trigger them.  Then that facade disappears.

Most of the people who hate Trump and Trump supporters rationalize to themselves that he is a hateful, horrible human being.  They do this with no evidence at all.  Everything he has said was either reasonable in context, or fabricated.  The bad things he did not say, and the things he said were not bad.

As he said, he has not even felt any need to apologize to Melania for all these women who came out after the Access Hollywood tape, because they are so plainly plants. He’s no saint, but there is no record of hush money, bullying, or lawsuits, all of which have followed Bill Clinton since the early 1980’s.  The careers of Bill and Donald are very roughly contemporaneous, and could not be more different.  You cannot conceal serial abuse, not that long, not when dealing with someone as rich as Trump.

But the Headless Ones are not reacting rationally.  They are seizing on a pretext to vent all the rage suppressed in them by their long term decision to be doormats, to believe nothing, to go along to get along, to mindlessly repeat whatever the current party line is, even if it contradicts the last party line.  Bill and Hillary both made speeches taking a strong stand against illegal immigration.  Both rejected gay marriage.  Hillary and her fixer started the Kenyan angle on Obama’s birth. We are seeing in Wikileaks (say a prayer for Assange, by the way) virtually continual plots either to conceal truths, or foment and spread vicious lies.  This is Soviet KGB stuff. It is the same level of lying, the same level of centralized planning, the same focus on power to the exclusion of all else, and the same cynical indifference to human lives.

So Sweden is slowly evolving from a country of first genuine Liberals, to Sybaritic Leftists, to one day soon oppressive totalitarians.  Even if their government does not go that way, they will be Islamized, and that creed, in its demands for perfect conformity, for its continual threat of violence for all difference, may as well be labelled in its purest, most Fundamentalist forms Cultural Sadeism.

We have to have boundaries.  We have to have the ability to say No.  We have to have firm and relatively fixed–even if adaptable to genuinely changing circumstances–notions of right and wrong.  The idea “fat shaming is never OK” has, it seems to me, acquired stronger ontological moral significance to the Headless Ones than the better notion “it is never OK to rape a woman”.  Bill is a rapist. They don’t care.  Joy Behar joked about it.  Trump called a woman who worked for him, whose job it was to be skinny, fat.  THAT is what they care about.

Do you see how crazy this is, and how this interlocking set of demands for perfect conformity with an outer face of niceness and concern, combines with latent and growing rage from unmet psychological needs for order and stability and belonging?

I am getting to where hipsters scare me.  I know the inner ugliness inside of many of them, the frothing at the mouth and violence which would erupt if I wore a Trump shirt into their bar.  They are not “cool”.  They are monsters with a kind appearing face.  If you don’t trigger them, you don’t see what is in there.  But if you do, well, how many Trump signs do you see in yards if you live in the city?  How many Trump bumper stickers?  We are not stupid: we know shit happens.

So we have at the heart of our social order, of our cultural order, horrible psychic deformities which are fed daily by a media elite controlled by a handful of powerful and cynical people, who could not care less if there was rioting in the streets, mass famine, mass death; who welcome an uninformed and thoughtless electorate.

Much of our nation is caught up in a collective delusion, in fantasies of power bred from powerlessness.  This is no exaggeration.  The Soviet Union happened.  Lubyanka happened.  It is happening in Cuba at this moment, where everyone is terrified into silence.  It is happening in North Korea and China.  I read many of these “Bodies” exhibits–which thankfully seem to have lost their shock value and popularity–are made possible by Falun Gong members “harvested” for the purpose. It seems clear that they are killing people and harvesting their organs.

This is happening TODAY.  It is not the Nazis driving Jews around in trucks hooked up to the CO2 exhaust.

Evil is possible, and all the stands between it and its aims is resistance and awareness.  I aim to build both here.  Ponder what I have to say here.  Look in your own heart.

Do you exist in a community where people can admit they are sometimes assholes?  Is it understood by all that we all fuck up, and that emotions inevitably run out of control on occasion?

Do you get that Trumps comments need to be placed in that context, and not that of Thought Crime?  If Bill rapes someone, that is a real crime.  If Hillary goes on a witch hunt to destroy that woman, that is evil.  If you say “all the girls love me” that is boasting.  There is a difference.

But the very notion of difference depends on the concept of lines, doesn’t it?  You have here, and there, and in between a line.  Now you are on one side, now the other.  If you live in a swirling vortex of largely unrecognized and rationalized emotion, no nuance is possible.  It is always Us versus Them.  It is always tribal solidarity, because if that disappears, the Void appears.  There is nothing left.

To be sure, I have called these people nihilists for some time for this reason.  If rape is OK if your side does it and horrible if the other side does it, the value in play is not moral.  The value in play is tribal loyalty, which means you have no opinion on rape which can be generalized at all.  You believe nothing, other than that one ought to do what ones leaders tell them to do.  This is the mindset of the Nazis and the core Communist elites. It is anti-moral.

Joy Behar’s motto may as well be “Meine Ehre heisst Treue“.

Watch this video of the eminently witty and congenial joke teller and life of the party, a mild mannered man who smiles often and tell me I’m wrong:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8lwg-NMWjE

He calls himself harmless and kind, but then says “I don’t hate anyone, but there are an extraordinary number of people I would like to kill”.

I am not making any of this up.  I am not misperceiving the situation or the danger.  People who would support this view are walking down every sidewalk in every city in America TODAY.  All that is wanted for gulags is some sort of disaster, and a concerted propaganda campaign.  The preparation– the alienation from their own culture, from the notion of personal moral agency and responsibility, from critical thinking, the inculcation of obedience to the talking boxes, radios, and computer screens–is already more or less complete in roughly a third of our population, and going into overdrive on all our college campuses.

I even think this clown thing is centrally controlled, as a PsyOp. It builds fear and paranoia, in answer to which obedience to a seemingly coherent group is an instinctual response.  Safety in numbers.  Don’t be left out of the herd or you will die.

Sadism with a smile, with a concerned look, with a “put some ice on that” is particularly Satanic.

It is not too late, but we need people in positions that matter to see what is going on, and speak out, and to renew a genuine Humanism.  We need college professors to wake up.  We need leaders of both Parties to wake up and speak up.

As I have said before, an Apocalypse is possible.  I do believe in the afterlife, but rebirth requires life on Earth.  If human life on Earth is extinguished, hell will be a very long term result for the wicked.  No one can claim ignorance, now.  Many Truths have been revealed and have been getting revealed for thousands of years.  Everyone, in my view, gets many chances, many lives on Earth.  But we have no reason to suppose those chances are infinite in number, at least within this age of the Universe.

If I have any readers, I may have lost some there, but that is my opinion, based on my own reading, my own research, and my own thinking.

Wake up before it is too late. I beg you.  You have been given a mind and a conscience.  Speak to them, and listen to the answers.