Categories
Uncategorized

Sense of belonging

If this is in fact a sense–and I think it is–then where does it reside, neurologically?  I think it is in the gut.

I was thinking today that evil is a sort of nervous system breakdown brought on by an inability to relax.  The social sense and the gut sense permanently part ways.  The true face becomes the trauma face, which is the unresolved and enormously powerful emotions linked to gut energy.  The social face becomes a lie.  Only in sadism can the true face be shown, and some sense of home, of belonging, be created.

This is getting close to the truth, I think.

And it needs to be said that structural cruelty has been an element of the human experience for all of human history.  Bigotry is not the exception in history: it is the rule, the world over.  Racism and wars and slavery: all the rule, not the exception.  The Greek democracy depended on slaves.  Sub-Saharan Africans never invented the wheel because those able to take power used slaves to haul everything.

And India is perhaps the worst.  Yes, they are vegetarians and preach non-violence, but aggression, rape and murder continue to be practiced against their version of Untermenschen, on a scale quite larger than any such aggressions in the South at any period. It is far worse than Apartheid ever way.  I think only because it is not ruled by white people, and because of the fundamental antipathy towards actual moral reasoning on the part of those who enjoy being outraged about everything else, is this fact overlooked.

Our modern era is a huge experiment.  Where do all the unprocessed traumas and their after-maths go?  Where does the hate go?  Practically, it has gone into the realm of left wing radicalism, by and large.  This is not a good solution. But I think we need to recognize the psycho-social dynamic underlying it, which makes the effective use of reason next to impossible with these people. 

Categories
Uncategorized

Video Game Therapy

It occurs to me that it is the shy kids who buy most of the comic books.  Why?  It offers them models of empowerment.  As I think about it, so too do video games, in all likelihood.  I have pronounced curmudgeonly tendencies, and I think sometimes I think too little of positives.  Of course, I think most people are like this.  It’s how we are wired.

But, and here is my point, it occurred to me that video games could be used for psychotherapeutic work.  For example, phobias.  What if–at an appropriate point–people manipulated digital images of themselves facing virtual spiders?  Or a height?  Or a small space?

What if technology were created to produce realistic approximations of a traumatizing event?  What if you could place visual filters over parts of the situation, so as to do a sort of pendulation?  Or have the filters appear, then briefly fade, then come back?  What if you could recreate the scenario with a different ending?  What if you suddenly sprouted superpowers, or huge strength, and fought off the menacing person?  It would be interesting to try this.

And again, you could use video games to create scenarios in which, say, people repeatedly offer you cigarettes, and you say no.  They repeatedly offer you drinks, and you say no. It could be used in addictions therapy.

We see the term “dual use” mainly used with regard to nuclear weapons, but I would argue that nearly all technology is dual use.  It can be used to harm, and it can be used to heal.

Even guns are dual use: it all depends on who is pointing them at who, and why.  I have never seen any gun control advocate in this country suggest that cops not have them.  Why?  They are useful tools, and this is generally recognized.  Guns are to personal defense what wrenches are to car mechanics.

Categories
Uncategorized

Having Children

It occurs to me that helping people–watering their best sides, planting the seeds of better ways, sharing a generous spirit with them–is very much like having children.  It is a great joy.

My own two kids have been a huge blessing to me.  They pulled me away from what would likely have become selfish bitterness, and long term failure.  They offered a ready and appropriate place to pour my creative spirit and energies, and in eliciting this, made it available to me too. It wasn’t there before.

“Service” is another word that makes me cringe.  It is used and abused all too often by imbeciles and cynics.  But the spirit behind it is a wonderful one, and I would suggest the service mindset is a bit like the parenting one, not in the sense of being patronizing or protective, but in the sense of facilitating new births, new life.

We might even say true service is a creative art form.  I believe this to be true.  And I want to be clear that what is MOST important is inner hunger, inner pain, inner incompleteness.  You can manage poverty with a rich inner spirit, just as you can be rich in money and wind up killing yourself.

Categories
Uncategorized

Coerced Pseudo-Altruism

Another synonym.
Categories
Uncategorized

Anti-Individualism

If I want to define socialism as anti-Individualism, I have to define individualism.  Here is a shot: the creed that humans are capable of moral and psychological growth, and that this growth can only occur at the individual level.

If we could create a society of angels–of morally/psychologically perfected human beings–then as James Madison observed 200 years ago, no government would be necessary.  All necessary social forms and decisions would emerge as spontaneous order, as the self organization characteristic of a complex system.

If we, on the contrary, posit a society of greedy, lying, lazy, ignorant sons and daughters of bitches, then no amount of compulsion will create a complex order.  Tyranny will be necessary for the maintenance of even a semblance of order.

Socialists like egalitarianism because it can be measured.  Having rejected the notion of quality, they have nothing but grotesque quantitative measures.  One can say “income inequality rose last year”, and this can be measured (and it can be ignored that everyone’s quality of life improved further from an already elite level, seen from a global and historical perspective).  One cannot say that “overall Goodness in the United States dropped by two points last year.”  They are making efforts at this with happiness, but I think this misses the point that happiness is the result of self respect, which is the result of believing in something bigger than yourself and working to build it.

Put another way: Individualism is the creed that individual acts of beauty are possible and desirable.  Anti-Individualism is the belief that only State acts of beauty are possible and desirable.

Actually, this is an over-simplification, but I am not going to take the time to clarify it.  I have already spent half the day preaching to the winds.  Time to go work out.

Categories
Uncategorized

Double Virtuality as therapeutic tool

What if you played a video game with you as the main character, and repeatedly acted out the behaviors you would choose, but which get repeatedly interrupted by negative patterns?  What if situations are programmed–and I suspect 10-15 would suffice for most of the population–where you are offered, say, something that is not on your diet, and you say “No, Thank you.”

Would this work?  Might be worth a try. In the negative sense, video games program us for violence, but why couldn’t we invert this and create realistic simulations of DESIRED behaviors?
Categories
Uncategorized

Double Virtuality

Mystical writers tell us this world is a sort of virtual reality, itself.  Thus playing video games within this world is a double virtuality.  Then I got to thinking, what if you played YOURSELF in a video game, what if you uploaded your picture?  The technology for this presumably already exists.  You would not be virtually someone else, but virtually you.  And none of it would be real.

There is some interesting seed to be culled from this image of play acting yourself, though. I don’t presently know what it is.

Categories
Uncategorized

PMI on virtuality

This is a long, rambling mess, but I think it has some good ideas.

My process of thinking remains greatly influenced by Edward de Bono.  I was actually at one time a certified teacher of the Six Thinking Hats method.  Never made a dime on it–well, a couple hundred dollars–but I think he is the one who really implanted within me the idea of heuristics, of which the Six Thinking Hats is an example.  So too is Plus, Minus, Interesting: what is good about this, at least potentially, what bad, and what interesting?

Imagine if all universities did PMI’s consistently on both Capitalism and Socialism.  Socialism–what I think I may start calling Anti-Individualism–would not stand a chance.  Not if enough history were added to the equation (White Hat, in the other heuristic).

What they do, in practice, is M on Capitalism,  and P and I on Socialism.  They focus on what doesn’t work here, and what COULD work in some planned future civilization, which they find very interesting.

It is baffling to an average intellect like mine why the focus would not be on figuring out what HAS worked–why our poor live better than the kings of old (who did not have cars, computers, telephones, reliable indoor plumbing with hot and cold water, air conditioning, and a host of other things, including penicillin)–and doing more of it.

Be all that as it may, I wanted to talk about virtual experience, which I think we need to recognize as a very important social experiment, one whose full consequences are very complex and still emerging.  I’m sure there is a huge literature on this, one I am unfamiliar with, but which has college level classes taught on it.  I read–and presumably completely misunderstood, since I now know I misunderstood nearly everything I read in my teens and twenties–Marshall McLuhon’s “The medium is the massage”.

What he might have said, and which I now WILL say, is that there is a fundamental difference between sitting around a campfire, listening to a story telling, reading that same story–now made permanent–in a book, seeing that story acted out on stage by actors, and seeing that story enacted by actors in your living room.  Both book and film lack interactivity and spontaneity.  They cannot evolve.  A story can be new to you once, but not twice (although of course if you wait long enough, much of the plot will seem new to you; I watched The Shining because I couldn’t remember most of it).

If you figure that the average American spends some obscene amount of time every day watching TV–I fear it is something like 8 hours–and that kids watch AT LEAST that much, and likely more, you have to grant that LARGE segments of our cultural and social experience are virtual.  They are not real, in the sense of being interactive.  I could spend the rest of my life in my man-cave interacting with virtual people, whose lines never change.

[I am wandering, which is sometimes useful.  Ideas come to me.  What if you filmed and acted out 15 different versions of “It’s a Wonderful Life”, and the version that played was random?  What if sitcoms were filmed live and viewers sent in suggestions during commercial breaks?  What if the same setup were done 20 times, 20 days in a row, with a different result every time?]

[Squirrel]

In my game Assassin’s Creed, they have on-line events.  I don’t hook up to the internet, because that would be one more damn thing the NSA could look at.  I’m quite sure they have the money and know-how to develop predictive indexes and psychological profiles based on how people play these games.

But to return to the point, I could theoretically assault a fortress with my buddies, who are playing the same game at the same time.  All of us, virtually together.  What is good about this, what bad, what interesting?

Well, with all life questions, I guess you need a tool, a heuristic, to answer that question.  We must define good.

What is the purpose of life?  My personal answer is “to cultivate Goodness”, which I define as “a volitional character disposition in which you can live happily by yourself, and are capable of sharing the happiness of others.”  As I recall, I also defined it as “sharing happiness gladly”.  That is shorter.  Logically, to share, you must possess.

On the plus side, then, you are doing productive virtual work together, which creates a bond of shared purpose, and thus connection.

On the minus side, you are sitting in your underwear in your parents basement, eating Doritos, and no actually useful work is being done.  You are not helping anyone do anything real.

Interesting: how effective is this at building and supporting actual, real world friendships?  You don’t stay in the basement forever.  You have coffee or something together.

Overall, though, and I am well aware I am meandering, how much do we mistake the virtual world for the real world?  What part of our brain sees real people as virtual, and virtual people as real?  Do the two get confused on some deep psychological level, and does this denigrate the purpose of developing deep satisfaction with life, and an enveloping web of beneficial social relationships?  Does virtuality foster and support alienation?

I must say, I feel a vague sense of dread when I see little babies playing with iPhones.  I have seen kids still in strollers twice in the past few days playing video games on (I hope) their parents telephones.

Do you not feel that this is a social experiment whose long term effects are completely unknowable?  My gut sense is that it will affect their empathy; their capacity for emotional self regulation, absent these devices they have become addicted to; and their overall capacity for happiness, understood in a deep sense.  They are born addicted to crack, and will only give it up with great reluctance and effort.

And of course there are several qualitative leaps being proposed in virtuality.  Step one is just a linear progression of the present.  Microsoft already has these things you stand on, and you put virtual reality goggles on, and you “walk” and move in a 360 degree range of motion.  When you kill someone, you are actually moving your hands, making the neurological match even more precise between reality and imagined reality.  What does this program?  Other than correcting the ennui of the uncreative, what concrete social good does this serve?  I am open to persuasion, but I wonder how such a person could be happy in a log cabin on a pleasant spring morning in a beautiful valley, sipping coffee, without an electronic device for a hundred miles.  And that capacity, in my view, is central to what is important in being human.

And I wonder, too, what thousands of hours spent playing video games looks like in a life review, when we die.  I think I’ve commented on this before, but do the moral decisions made in video games affect our actual characters?  On the one hand, I think if we can achieve catharsis of some sort, get in contact with and heal some energy that needs healing . . .

[this is my own goal in playing these games, in addition to what I read are some mild neurological benefits.   Actually, for me, personally, also doing something just because I want to.  I am a very compulsive person, and have always had great difficulty doing things just because I wanted to.  I don’t play.  In a formal sense, play that is useful is a socially connected integration of our frontal cortex and our fight or flight response, and this is not that, but if we define play as “undirected activity”, or better yet “autotelic activity”, pace Csikszentmilyi (?), then it would still apply]

[Sorry]. . . then this is good.  But most people get addicted to these things, and roll right by whatever cathartic effect there may have been, and may in fact wind up reinforcing negative patterns, particularly of avoidance.

Then there are those who preach of The Singularity, the atheists Great Hope.  Imagine you can be anywhere and do anything.  You can be Ultron, and exist virtually everywhere. You can know anything, be anything.

Is this good?  Is this empowering?  To the fans, of course, self evidently, how can I ask this question?  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  And I suppose if did in fact view the body as a machine, this would make sense to me too.  What else do they have?

But I would say this: multiplicity of experience is no match for QUALITY of experience.  It may be that the best possible human experience would be sitting on a front porch in a mountain valley with people you love, feeling connected with God and all of creation. Because we ARE connected.  This is science, even if most mainstream scientists lack the balls and vision to realize this and do the research needed to map out the hows.

But could a machine reproduce this?  It seems to me that as we begin piecing together the actually mechanical components of our experience–how various hormones, neurotransmitters, and status of our nervous system affects our experience–that we can develop drugs that mimic the physical component of certain experiences.  You can create an out of body experience, for example, with ketamine. It is my understanding that stimulating certain parts of the brain creates a “God Experience”.  And of course taking LSD and mushrooms and peyote–which are physical substances, composed of knowable chemical elements interacting in ways we will eventually understand with our neurochemical functioning–create and have always created “mystical experiences”.

But (I contain multitudes, many of them contradicting the last) we are also energetic beings.  We are light beings.  What I would submit is that what neurochemical reactions do is merely open up to conscious awareness existing realities.  It may be that the role of the part of the brain which opens us up to the God experience actually works in general to BLOCK the God experience.  It is a step-down transformer, whose function can be temporarily suspended.

In my current Kum Nye block, we are trying to open up to space.  One of the exercises was to do certain movements, and then feel the connection of my body with surrounding space, then expand my “body” into space.  You can do this.  You can feel this. And I felt this strong sense of the improbability of my body existing in a stable form.  Every atom in your body is filled with space.  Every atom in your body is in constant motion.  Everything in our bodies is in constant motion, is in a constant process of creation and recreation.  I feel this.

And space itself is full.  It is filled with energy, oceans of energy.  This is a BASIC postulate of Quantum Physics, one of the most successful physical theories ever developed. The space in our bodies exists in a much larger space.  They talk in the lectures of feeling “space meeting space”.  I think this is what they mean.

I will offer a story I read long ago, in my teens, titled “With Friends like these”, by Allan Dean Foster, which I will offer as a model, before contradicting myself.  In that story, the gist is that everybody on Earth lives in scattered, bucolic communities.   They use oxen and metal plows, and make most everything by hand.  They live simple lives.  But we come to find out that they possess immense power.  A small child points a stick at threatening aliens and their ship and they disappear in ash.  The entire center of the planet is filled with machines.  The whole planet is connected telepathically, lives in harmony, and has no government.

Here is the short story: http://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/2b79sa/text_with_friends_like_these_alan_dean_foster/

I was impressed then, and remain impressed with this model.  All unplanned physical difficulty is removed, but the dignity and beauty of simple physical work is retained.  Peace becomes an active process (although at some point one does say “It’s been so long since we had a decent war”).

This is where I would contradict this.  Do we need the machines?  If we can find conclusive evidence of the survival of death–and it would in my view only take a few years of dedicated research to provide all the proof needed, which indeed largely exists NOW–and we are not threatened by aliens, why not create a global simple life, viewing this world, as we should, as an inferior version of what we are all destined for?  It is a stopping place, a training ground, nothing more.  Why not make it more efficient?

If you are going to dream, why not go all the way?  I can be accused of many things, but thinking small is not one of them.

Categories
Uncategorized

Fear of fear and addiction to fear

Trauma brings with it a special sort of misery.  It is like a wild beast living within you that periodically attacks you.  It is like fear could be distilled into an injection, which is periodically shot into you.

I was fiddling with this this morning, to see where my shaking attacks originate from, and how they differ in quality.  I found there is a spot just above my heart which, when I focused on it, would reliably induce shaking.  This is presumably both some sort of nerve center plexus, and a place where subtle energy is blocked or held.  Same with both kidneys, which I have always heard are repositories of fear.   The heart center created the most powerful shaking; the kidneys mainly caused shaking on my back.

This is actually a useful discovery.  I can do regular release work, and hopefully the analogy of a wound up spring is a good one: eventually the energy dissipates.  I will try and do this for a period of up to half an hour before I go to bed.  Some day I will sleep through the night like what I assume is a normal person.

But I got to thinking.  What is the only condition in which you do not need to fear an attack of fear?  When you are already afraid.  That is the only safe place.  If you relax–if I relax–that wild beast is bound to pounce on me unexpectedly, and that is always very unpleasant.  So some part of me keeps the anxiety wound up, makes me hurry here and there even when there is no hurry.  It likely creates problems where none needed exist.

I watched The Shining last night and was pondering for the umpteenth time the psychological role of horror films.  It seems to me they grant us access to occulted psychological processes which are normally barred from view.  They grant us access to these senses of awe and fear that are absent from our normal lives, which are largely devoid of real risk and real reward.

And it seems to me that viewed in GROUPS, as horror films often are, they serve as a sort of sacrificial ritual.  Even though you may cringe on some level every time some innocent person dies, you KNOW that that is how these movies are constructed.  The innocent always die, usually in awful ways, and there is no reason to count on the murderers being punished.

As I look this up, I see that there are Elite Hunting T-shirts on the web, quite a few: http://www.zazzle.com/hostels_elite_hunting_logo_type_print_t_shirt-235741646291879273  There are also tattoos, which were portrayed in the movies.

Here is a brief description of what this means: http://horror.wikia.com/wiki/Elite_Hunting_Club

Thus, you have a virtual cult of human sacrifice.  One does not have to go too far down this path to see that there are people who wear these t-shirts who literally wish to be able to commit these acts.  The movies, like an actual sacrificial ritual, act as mediums of what I will call “traumatic bonding”.  To the extent that this emotional need is met without actual violence, that is good, but I would argue that this sort of bonding only reinforces flight from authenticity.  It enhances and fosters evil, which is being unable to live happily on ones own, and deriving pleasure from the pain–real or simulated–of others.

Looking further, I see at some point Roth recreated briefly the movie sets of the Hostel films: http://www.dreadcentral.com/news/25789/universal-studios-hollywood-dares-you-to-wander-into-eli-roth-s-hostel-hunting-season-maze/

People paid to be terrified.

Again, I think this dynamic plays out on many levels.  The sickest people pay to see fear and pain in others. Whatever trauma they have in them is much too large to be integrated into their bodies–or at least the faintest hint of this never occurs to them–and they like seeing others hurt so they can feel.  They “out-source” the pain function, as I have said before.

The less sick people pay to feel fear and pain in themselves, as a way of entering altered states of consciousness that allow them to at least briefly integrate the parts of themselves absent from awareness, from traumas they can’t consciously contact on an emotional level, even if they remember them.

Then there are likely a lot of people who are just bored, which is to say their animal instincts are fully unengaged in our ridiculously safe modern world, and who feel it, and sense that absence, and are unable to figure out more healthy ways to integrate them with ordinary awareness.

These of course are speculations.  I will say this, though: problems have solutions.  It is absolutely possible for human beings to learn how to live happy, engaged, creative, interesting lives filled with love and healthy social connection, the world over.  The horrors of the past need not be the horrors of the future.  Without having any way to gauge the actual possibility of success, my life’s mission is to do my part to help lead the way into that future.

Categories
Uncategorized

Embracing Fear

It seems the farther along I get, the worse it gets.  I have been having flashes of being able to imagine sleeping through the night without alcohol, and without being awoken many times shaking and quite often yelling.

Last night, I gave the no-booze a whirl, and I woke up at least 20 times during the night.  The shaking has nothing to do with booze.  I have given it up twice for a month in the past six months, and it continued unabated.  I just dealt with it.  Most of the startles are early in the night, and by 3am or so, they reduce greatly.

Last night I woke up as a baby, completely helpless, completely paralyzed with fear, wide-eyed, and terrified.  Then I fell asleep and did it again.  And again.  I literally cannot count the times it felt like I was going to die in the past 4 years or so.  It’s in the hundreds.

And I woke up this morning and functioned fine.  And it occurred to me that in some respects I am being inoculated.  I am looking into terror, into horror, and doing it repeatedly.  Some part of me remembers, some part of me sees it as no big deal.

What I have felt several times in the past few days is that there is a way to incorporate fear, incorporate horror, into everyday possibility, and make it USEFUL.  Use it to make me strong.  Very strong.

Here is the thing: animals lack the memory of humans.  Deer can run and get away and shake and reset.  Human beings who have been traumatized will NEVER forget that this is a possibility. Ever.

This means that you have to accept it.  You have to learn to process it.  You have to welcome it, and bring it in.  You have to be able to say “Hello, Horror.  Have a seat.  I will pour you a drink.  But I won’t feed you.”

I feel this.  I feel this deeply.  There is a HUGE lesson here.  Tonight, I chose to give myself a break, and have the drinks I needed.  But I’ll go back outside the wire in the next day or two, and pay the price again.  There is a feeling that underlies all the images that precipitate horror in us.  There is a precursor.  There is a bodily sensation.  There is a cause to the effect.

I have more to say, but am enjoying listening to Led Zeppelin.  This song is underrated:; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZgblTKscX0


Let’s all hope we die tomorrow, well, and do so again every day after until we have to leave.  There is a beauty in fearlessness.


Be beautiful.