Month: March 2013

Death is foreordained; life is not.

I’m going to permit a bit of personal “sharing” here, which I normally eschew.  I am an odd duck, in that I can deal for long periods of time with the most horrible topics–Communist atrocities, sadism, evil–but I am still often like a little kid.  I sing quite a bit.  I laugh a lot.  My kids tell me I remind them of Santa Claus.  I laugh so loud I can embarrass them from an audience.

This morning I was not feeling well–I have a tinge of whatever is going around, but I don’t think it will stick to me, provided I’m don’t overwork myself the next couple days–and laying in bed, thinking over my life’s history.  My best reconstruction of the course of my life is that my mother didn’t want me, provided very little nurturing when I was little, viewed me as an enemy to be crushed when I was 2 and 3 (my baby book reads “many spankings”, and I have a physical memory of being slapped, and I did eventually dream when I was 6 or so of being “muddled” in a giant bowl by a giant mortar by my mothers two personalities), and as a narcissist confused her emotions with mine throughout my childhood.  My father, also a narcissist, liked to think of himself as a sort of king on the throne–despite, or really because of, considerable emotional immaturity–and constantly belittled both me and my brother.  To the extent he valued our successes, it was to take credit for them.

Net: much misery, very little love, almost no happiness.  The decades after I left home produced a predictable amount of failure and on-going sadness.  I have developed the ability to be emotionally trenchant as a condition of retaining my sanity.  Likewise with my ability to see things with my own eyes.  Had I trusted other peoples “truths” I would not have retained my sanity.  If you live in a house of mirrors, it takes patience, but you can find your way out through constant lucidity and self reliance.  And to some extent, most of us live in houses of mirrors.  Delusion is a human constant.

Here is the point I want to make, though: I have learned that you can generate your own happiness.  You are not the sum of an equation whose components are your past.  You can add in your own values.  You can be happy by allowing happiness out.  I think it is best if you think of it as already there, in a resevoir, and your task is liberating it.  Happiness is generous: be generous with your self.  Happiness is love: love others.  Happiness is mirth: laugh.

When I did my breathwork a couple weeks ago, I found myself laughing.  My partner, who had done many sessions, said he had never seen someone laugh more than cry.  My fear had been that I would have to go through much misery, but I realized that isn’t my task.  My task is building generosity of spirit.

In one of the images floating through my mind, I was dismembered (this is a common theme in some spiritual traditions): my arms were floating away on a giant body of water in three pieces each; my legs in three pieces.  And I found it comical because it was ridiculous.  I literally laughed until I cried.

And I laughed at something internal to me when someone else was screaming out in pain.  I realized that you do not have to feel other people’s emotions.  You have the right to your own space.  As a child of two narcissists, I think this was an important realization.

Finally, the imagery of the snake came through.  I gave a “snake blessing” to the group on the instruction of a sort of “guide” figure in my consciousness, and at the end random images were handed out to the group, and I got a snake.  That to my mind was significant.

Now, I have an image of the Tibetan Garuda, always pictured with a snake in its mouth depicting in my understanding delusion, on the wall I consider most important in my room, which in some respects is structured like a shine (I am odd, I know: but I think most of us fail to appreciate how to engage our unconscious through the ritual use of space; most religious traditions have very solid psychological foundations which we fail to value because we have fetishized what we call reason, which is really the subtraction both of emotion and following sensation of meaning in favor of pursuing the mechanically efficient, and inherently meaningless). 

The last time I underwent this training I discussed physically seeing what looked like a bird with a snake, and what I interpreted as some whale synchronicities.

The image in my head was an American Indian, so what felt appropriate was looking up Huichol myth.  The meaning of symbols varies greatly by tradition, and this was clearly something situated in the American Southwest, northern Mexico.

Here is one rendering of the snake symbolism:

SNAKES – Instruct shamans to become healers. The
rattle on the Rattlesnake is believed to be the tongue of the greatest
shaman of all, which is the fire god. Snakes may also
be associated with the rain goddess. The Mother Goddess of the Sea is
pictured as a huge coiled serpent forming herself into a cyclical storm
cloud from which rain falls. The Huichols believe that
rain itself consists of millions of small snakes. They are valued for
their work in the cornfields where they eat the rodents and pests
harmful to the corn harvest.

I thought was interesting.  Here is another rendering:

Serpents are middlemen between men and the spirit
world. Rattlesnakes are respected as the tongue of Tatewari, the Fire
God. The Rain Goddess is often symbolized by the Serpent as rain itself,
a great coiled serpent or storm clouds from which millions of tiny
snakes represent rainfall.

The symbol combines fire and water.  What I would extend this to say is that just as the eagle brings the snake into the heavens, the snake brings the eagle from the skies.  They are complementary signals.  I have had the motion up–into abstraction, vision–but what I need to complement it is the ability to bring it down to the concrete.

Emotionally, I can dissociate from circumstances, but my task now is to remain present, in the room, to integrate multiple “phases” (to use a term from yesterday) into a steady stream of energy.

This post is an effort to do that.  I know that much of this will seem like nonsense to many people.  I will tell, you, though, that as I heal, I am beginning to see all the wounds around me.  Virtually everyone you meet on the street is “walking wounded” in some way.  OF COURSE you can get hurt, pick yourself up, and keep moving.  Wallowing in self pity is completely useless, which is why the rejection of self pity is my first rule.

At the same time, if your goal is a larger life, larger consciousness, larger potential for perceptual/emotive movement, then you can’t have dark spots in your unconscious.  You must explore.

I would go so far as to stipulate that quite often those who most claim to value reason are least emotionally capable of “doing” it.  Yes, of course they can add up sums, make measurements, look up statistics, and make objectively true statements about circumstances of one sort or another.


But it is illogical not to value the illogical.  That is where “life” is.

I will leave it at that.  Things to do in the external world.  Actually, I will add that I am being open in a spirit of congruence with this post.  I have no idea who reads these things, but the truth is that in my own personal metaphysics, nothing internal can ever be hidden fully anyway.  One part of my emotional “wealth” is that I feel very little shame in who I am, or what I have done.  I pity those who have to hide.

 

Please read this, and tell me it doesn’t worry you: http://www.mrconservative.com/2013/03/5718-dhs-buys-2700-urban-tanks-for-high-risk-anti-civilian-use/

We already have a National Guard, which has been equal to the tasks assigned to it for the duration of our history.

It appears Obama is setting up a Schutz Staffel, which has already arrogated to itself the right to violate the Fourth Amendment at will, including setting up checkpoints anywhere and any place it pleases, even for cars and buses, and to grope small children and old people wearing diapers.

Members of our military swear to protect and defend the Constitution.  What is the oath sworn by DHS members?  Who are they?  What are they being taught?  It would seem to me that any serious military mind tasked with protecting the freedom of Americans has to have a contingency plan for protecting us from our own government.  Their task is not to protect the government, per se, but our SYSTEM of government, which, if violated, is no longer something they are tasked with defending.

The Joints Chiefs of Staff, if it is serious, has to have plans for a naked power grab by Obama (or any other future leader).  If I ran the DIA, I would also assign assets to certain segments of the power elite, including the Rockefellers, and all members of the Federal Reserve I could identify.  There are stories out there that need to be told.

Edit: I will add that I did mean the Defense Intelligence Agency.  The CIA has in my view been corrupted almost beyond repair.  I have no idea the state of the DIA, but it would seem to me not entirely unreasonable to hope there is a greater proliferation of liberty minded patriots.

We will only keep our freedom if we remember that tyranny has been the rule over most of the Earth, for most of its history, and that many elements of our intelligentsia and political elite OPENLY talk about vitiating the rights guaranteed in the Constitution.

If I were DIA head, I would also dig up samples of the World Trade Center rubble and test for thermite.  Assuming I found it, I would then cocoon a group–hide them–to see if they could figure out who the coconspirators were.

Identity is a quality of feeling generated in perceptual and actual movement.  It is not a thing.  In general, it seems to me that if you are relaxed and engaged in something, you have an identity.  When you are sitting, worrying, you don’t, because you are by that very process preventing the emergence of the sense of identity, the quality of feeling that we call identity.

Now, obviously, you exist in time and space.  I am an American.  I was born in Texas.  I live somewhere, drive something, have dogs.  But my culture as it exists today does not “nest” me.  I am not surrounded by like-minded people who expect me to act a certain way, and who I can in turn expect to act a certain way.  This cultural cohesion is retained to some extent in rural areas, but almost entirely gone in large cities.  We are atomized.  We go into our closets at night and consume feelings projected from we know not where.  Do we feel the movie sets?  The actors when they are NOT acting?  The script writers dreaming up the latest sadistic murder, or punchline?

My intent with all my work is to help create something like a common culture, that people WANT to embrace, and which permits all sorts of creative, synergistic diversity.  But for the time being, we are largely on our own, to guess and make our way like children learning to walk.  This is not a tragedy, but an opportunity.  We are certainly in no way CONFINED by our culture.

That was point one.  The second, related point I wanted to make is that I think our personalities and following behavior patterns can be expressed as one or more wave functions.  People that are highly congruent only have one wave.  They are what I am terming monophasic.  I don’t know if it is the best word, but I’m running with it.  Most people are polyphasic: they have multiple competing selves, motivations, emotional energies.  They want and fear at the same time.  They act for something, and against it as well.

In strength training, muscular growth–hypertrophy–is perhaps one fourth of the constructive growth of strength.  The overwhelming bulk of it is getting more muscle fibers to fire, getting them to fire more often, and getting them to fire AT THE SAME TIME.

Behaviorally, congruence, effectiveness, is getting all your phases into a single wave function, with one movement, forward.  When you are congruent, your awareness can be focused on the task at hand fully, which makes everything more interesting.  If you are doubtful, holding back, allowing some relic of your past experience into the fray, you are less effective, and life is less fun.

For my part, I think I can see, finally, where my second, self destructive, phase comes from, and am increasingly able to disrupt it, which can only work to the good.

Few thoughts.

I was talking with a very interesting Austrian a couple weeks ago, who had gone on UFO sighting expeditions.  Apparently one of the big names right now is a guy named Steven Greer, who argues that alien craft have crashed, and been reverse engineered, and that private, non-governmental entities have the ability to build and fly these things. 

Interestingly, this interview with Edgar Mitchell (6th man on the moon, Ph.D rocket scientist from MIT, non-flake) shows he shares these views:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9tKWElDHhY4

Apparently Greer is arguing that once the “War on Terror” has run its course as an impetus for government seizure of political rights, the next step is what would amount to an alien false flag operation, in which flying saucers being flown by humans would be used to instill fear and panic.

Yes, of course this is out there.  But I have studied the UFO issue for a long time, and there are far too many credible people publicly offering very detailed accounts of events only explicable within a radically different paradigm for me to feel the evidence is weighted in any direction but belief in the reality of extraterrestrials, and extraterrestrial craft.  In another interview, Mitchell speaks of personal conversations he had with Roswell inhabitants present when the craft crashed, and he said there is ZERO ambiguity that it was an alien craft, and that bodies were recovered. 

As I comment from time to time, I feel the strength of a mind is the quantity of disparate and even contradictory ideas it can contain at one time.  The world presents itself in a series of what might be termed “perceptual problems”.  They ask us: what am I?  How is this BEST understood?  If your only tool is a hammer, they are all nails.  If you only have one paradigm within which you CAN operate, you will do violence to all problems which are not actually BEST understood within that paradigm.  As I showed, I hope, clearly with my Tubaform heuristic, you can explain everything with the same ideas, if they are sufficiently broad (“Marxism”–so called; Freudian psychoanalysis; Darwinian evolution).

But if you think of a problem as unscrewing a mechanism with screws of a very specific size, and with very specific insertions–say triangular of a very specific size–then the more tools you have available, the more likely you will be to be able to see what is in front of you.

That is why I only discard out of hand ideas which abuse either fact or logic.  Here, my factual orientation is that many professional, sane people have come forward with stories of aliens and alien spacecraft.  This means somebody somewhere knows about them.  These people do not seem to include Congress, or most of our government.  This means that some private group–a la “Men in Black”, but with more sinister motivations–COULD have control of the thing.

Countless permutations are possible, but for very few of them do I have sufficient data to discard them out of hand.